Donald Trump was robbed last week as Jason “Mayhem” Miller took “golden showers” away from America’s 45th president as a news topic.
Miller, of course, is the former mixed martial arts fighter and MTV host who manages to get into all kinds of trouble with Orange County law enforcement.
Which brings us to the court Thursday, which was the opening day of a trial against Mayhem. In August 2013, Miller’s then-girlfriend, a gym enthusiast herself, told authorities he stalked and beat her at their Mission Viejo home.
Mayhem counters that she threatened him and he merely took defensive steps to disarm her, claiming, “I had to wrestle a knife out of this woman’s hand.”
Miller’s defense attorney, Cameron Tally, told Moxley at the time that he did not believe the ex-girlfriend’s story. Indeed, the former high-ranking Orange County prosecutor went so far as to predict a courthouse victory, noting the woman waited 10 days to complain—and did so only after his client refused to rekindle their relationship.
We, the jurors of public opinion, are supposed to believe all was hunky dory with this couple based on this snippet from Tally’s opening statement:
“You’re going to see some pictures that are known in the colloquial as dick pics. … You’re going to see pictures of Mr. Miller’s penis in this case. They have a provocative sex life, threesomes, sex parties, rough sex, choking, peeing, golden showers. Golden showers are when someone gets peed on.
“They have some of that that night,” Tally continues. “Mr. Miller urinates on her in the shower. He pees on her. There is no choking or anything like that. They have some fun.”
Fun until you’re the one stuck with having to disinfect the loofah.
Oh, if you think this is fake news, Sean Spicer, feast your lying eyes on this, courtesy of TMZ:
Pity the fool who tries to take away Mayhem’s UFPee Championship belt!
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.