Episode 13: When Seth, the child of Orange County WASP princess Kirsten and Bronx Jewboy Sandy, isn't extolling the virtues of Chrismukkah (“the greatest superholiday known to man”), he's eeny meeny miny mo'ing between Anna or Summer. He winds up with bubkes–which is how much Caleb, who was in line to make $250 million off Balboa Heights, ends up selling the ecologically sensitive land for after his legal eagle son-in-law Sandy sets his eyes on damaging insider information supplied by daddy-defying Kirsten. But the soapiest thread of the hour involves Marissa, who can't deal with the holidays amid her parental unit's split after father Jimmy's financial woes. So she does what any privileged, model-quality Orange County teen would do: she turns to the bottle, something that nearly drives Ryan away as he has his own holiday-season issues involving an alcoholic mother. Or maybe Marissa just wanted to play along with hardcore viewers who have devised the hot, new The O.C. Drinking Game. Pour yourself a tall one and take a swig every time Summer says “ewwww,” Ryan tosses his patented sideways look or someone makes a derogatory Inland Empire reference. Same-sex love, two-timing sluttiness and someone from Ryan's past making an appearance cost multiple shots. For the official rules, log onto: http://chron.edgecity.net/story/2003/12/2/145654/404
LINE OF THE WEEK: “Oi Humbug!” Seth, after Ryan rejects his brotherly Chrismukkah hug.
OVERLY SAPPY LINE OF THE WEEK DELIVERED IN AN LA COUNTY MALL STANDING IN FOR SOUTH COAST PLAZA: “I know it sounds stupid, but I like it here. Everything is so perfect. You walk around feeling like all your problems can be solved by the right kind of nail polish or a new pair of shoes.” Marissa to Ryan.
OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.