Good riddance, you toxic, immature, elitist, shallow colleague. Your pre-occupation with salary, money, men, and bemoaning your job and life was grating. Not only that, but I was also your only friend at the office, and you felt the need to talk down to me and make digs, even telling me I’d have a hard time finding love because I make less than $50K per year. I am really glad you found a higher-paying position and will be leaving. I hope one day you will grow up and find some true fulfillment in life that doesn’t involve partying, validation from the opposite sex or material gains. I am sorry for whatever happened to you that turned you into such a misguided individual with crippling insecurities. Goodbye, you lost soul.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to firstname.lastname@example.org .