Every year, we put out a Summer Guide to help y'all plan your season: where to go, what to eat, which beaches to schtup on. And every year, we get plaudits—and more than a few complaints. “You didn't cover Huntington Beach enough!” “You covered H.B. too much!” “Too much Newport!” “Not enough Aliso Viejo!”
(Okay, so no one ever says that last one.)
We hear you, OC! While summers in the county are better spent near the coast, some of ustedes simply refuse to leave your hometowns. That's why, this year, we've decided to profile every city in Orange County and offer a guide of what to do there during the hot months—where to go, what to eat, which places to schtup on. From San Clemente to the canyons to Long Beach and even La Habra, behold your go-to guide! It's the classiest thing you'll ever read in this infernal rag because we hired classy models to pose around town 'cause we're classy like that. Enjoy, and who knew summers in Stanton could be so delicious?
ALISO VIEJO: South County With a Reality Check
ANAHEIM: House of More Than the Mouse
BREA: Creepy Masturbation Statues
BUENA PARK: Center of Breakfast Burritos
CANYON COUNTRY: Modjeska, Silverado and Trabuco: Come On Up!
COSTA MESA: Dig That Damn Marina Already
CYPRESS: Not Cyprus
DANA POINT: Not Completely Wyland-ed Yet
FOUNTAIN VALLEY: Bowling and Buzz Food
FULLERTON: Don't Be Homeless Here
GARDEN GROVE: Down On Main Street
HUNTINGTON BEACH: The Seven Stages of Breaking Up With Your H.B. Summer Bro-ness
IRVINE: Let's All Get as Tanned as Don Bren!
LA HABRA: Corn Never Grew Here
LA PALMA: Cliff's . . . And That's About It
LAGUNA BEACH: Pageant of the Pageants
LAGUNA HILLS: Yes, We Have an Underground Sex Bunker!
LAGUNA WOODS: Get Off Our Lawns
LAKE FOREST: Used to Be Cool
LONG BEACH: OC's Awesome Hat
LOS ALAMITOS: Beyond the Horsies
MISSION VIEJO: Happy Trails Are Here?
NEWPORT BEACH: Wedge Yourself
ORANGE: An Ode to the Street Fair
PLACENTIA: Something In Nothing
RANCHO SANTA MARGARITA: Sunnin' By the Lake
SAN CLEMENTE: Surf, Then Surf Some More
SANTA ANA: Do Downtown Like the Natives Do
SEAL BEACH: No Bros, Please
STANTON: Beach Boulevard Promenade
SUNSET BEACH: Still Not Surf City
TUSTIN: Not Rustin'
WESTMINSTER: Little Saigon—DUH . . .
VILLA PARK: More Than Racist Douchebags
YORBA LINDA: Land of Gracious Summers