Classiest Summer Ever!

Every year, we put out a Summer Guide to help y'all plan your season: where to go, what to eat, which beaches to schtup on. And every year, we get plaudits—and more than a few complaints. “You didn't cover Huntington Beach enough!” “You covered H.B. too much!” “Too much Newport!” “Not enough Aliso Viejo!”

(Okay, so no one ever says that last one.)

We hear you, OC! While summers in the county are better spent near the coast, some of ustedes simply refuse to leave your hometowns. That's why, this year, we've decided to profile every city in Orange County and offer a guide of what to do there during the hot months—where to go, what to eat, which places to schtup on. From San Clemente to the canyons to Long Beach and even La Habra, behold your go-to guide! It's the classiest thing you'll ever read in this infernal rag because we hired classy models to pose around town 'cause we're classy like that. Enjoy, and who knew summers in Stanton could be so delicious?


ALISO VIEJO: South County With a Reality Check

ANAHEIM: House of More Than the Mouse

BREA: Creepy Masturbation Statues

BUENA PARK: Center of Breakfast Burritos

CANYON COUNTRY: Modjeska, Silverado and Trabuco: Come On Up!

COSTA MESA: Dig That Damn Marina Already

CYPRESS: Not Cyprus

DANA POINT: Not Completely Wyland-ed Yet

FOUNTAIN VALLEY: Bowling and Buzz Food

FULLERTON: Don't Be Homeless Here

GARDEN GROVE: Down On Main Street

HUNTINGTON BEACH: The Seven Stages of Breaking Up With Your H.B. Summer Bro-ness

IRVINE: Let's All Get as Tanned as Don Bren!

LA HABRA: Corn Never Grew Here

LA PALMA: Cliff's . . . And That's About It

LAGUNA BEACH: Pageant of the Pageants

LAGUNA HILLS: Yes, We Have an Underground Sex Bunker!

LAGUNA WOODS: Get Off Our Lawns

LAKE FOREST: Used to Be Cool

LONG BEACH: OC's Awesome Hat

LOS ALAMITOS: Beyond the Horsies

MISSION VIEJO: Happy Trails Are Here?

NEWPORT BEACH: Wedge Yourself

ORANGE: An Ode to the Street Fair

PLACENTIA: Something In Nothing


SAN CLEMENTE: Surf, Then Surf Some More

SANTA ANA: Do Downtown Like the Natives Do

SEAL BEACH: No Bros, Please

STANTON: Beach Boulevard Promenade

SUNSET BEACH: Still Not Surf City

TUSTIN: Not Rustin'

WESTMINSTER: Little Saigon—DUH . . .

VILLA PARK: More Than Racist Douchebags

YORBA LINDA: Land of Gracious Summers

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