A Clockwork Orange Connects the Dolts

What, me worry?
Illustration by Sam Kerwin

FOLLOW THE BOUNCING, UM . . .
Stormy Daniels, the porn star whom President Donald Trump’s personal attorney acknowledged paying $130,000 just before Election Day, first shared details of her affair to Nik Richie of the gossip site The Dirty.

Richie, who promptly posted the story about Daniels’ fling with the then-star of The Apprentice, only to take it down when threatened with a lawsuit, resides in a gated community in Newport Beach.

Daniels is managed by Gina Rodriguez, who also appeared in adult films before becoming a personal manager.

Rodriguez used to manage Natalie “Nadya” “Octomom” Suleman, who back then resided in La Habra but now lives in Orange with her 14 children.

It was with Rodriguez’s help that Suleman signed with adult-entertainment company Wicked Pictures.

However, Suleman retired from the porn biz after the release of Octomom: Home Alone.

Rodriguez is now working with Daniels on an announcement about how and when she will tell her Trump story publicly.

In the meantime, Daniels has been booked for four “Make America Horny Again” shows on April 13 and 14 at the Ultra Gentlemen’s Club in West Palm Beach, Florida.

The same club was known in 2012 as T’s Lounge, where Suleman was also booked. She tried to back out and strip at a rival club, which led to a lawsuit and Octomom’s eventual performance at T’s Lounge in 2013.

Do you know what’s near Ultra Gentlemen’s Club?

Trump International Golf Club.

Funny how life works, no?

INSTA-REACTION TO PREVIOUS ITEM
No, while you read the above, the mom reading this at the next table at Industrial Wheatgrass did not just fire off a letter that we promptly printed here despite the constraints of space and time. “Connect the Dolts” first appeared on the Weekly’s online news page, where it drew this response from a reader identified as Pam:

“Funny you should bring up Octomom. I have been thinking about her lately because of the changes to SNAP Trump’s new budget wants to implement. Because she has 14 dependents and no job (although she makes vague claims about being a “counselor” on her Instagram account), she is eligible for over $2,200 a month in SNAP benefits. If the Harvest Box plan were to become law, she would likely get $1,100 a month in shelf-stable milk, cereal and canned food. Meanwhile, she is promoting her healthy lifestyle where she and the octuplets are vegans and drink special water that costs $5 a gallon and only eat organic, mostly raw food from Whole Foods. She says she wants to help other people (who don’t qualify for several thousand $$ in food stamps) follow her lead. The other six . . . she rarely acknowledges they even exist except to say they ingest flesh and are on their own.”

WE’RE ON THE ROAD TO NOWHERE
In case you have yet to hear (or read), the Dresden-like march of a controversial toll-road extension has folks fired up in San Clemente. Indeed, they are so riled up that a group of them successfully used crowdfunding to pay for a lawsuit against the Transportation Corridor Agencies, also known as TCA, The Toll Roads or NAMBLA.

Currently, the TCA’s own map has the 241 toll road ending near Oso Parkway, with a dotted line showing a future extension to Cow Camp Road. Below that is a big green circle encompassing San Juan Capistrano, San Clemente and other communities to just below the San Diego County border. “Alignment not established” is how the area within the circle is identified by the toll road agency.

Within days of posting a fundraising pitch online, opponents calling themselves Not My Tollroad (catchy!) surpassed their goal of $30,000, which is going to the law firm that will draft their legal complaint. Their announcement explains why they believe dragging the TCA to court is necessary:

“The TCA wants to extend the toll road by weaving through existing communities, building it too close to schools and parks. Their plans are not on the original master plan of highways.

“Residents have had enough with the TCA’s closed-door deals, lavish spending on sponsorships, lobbyists and marketing firms. They have demonstrated for the last 22 years that they are unable to pay down their bonds. Taxpayers have already bailed this agency out [with] $1.1 billion.”

Follow their progress at notmytollroad.com.

SHIT PEOPLE SEND US
Just to be clear, the following email is not referencing furries, the subculture of folks interested in fictional anthropomorphic animal characters with human personalities and characteristics. Furries have carved out enough of a niche in popular culture that had the following email been directed at those who wear animal costumes for fun and pleasure (and the people who love them), it would be rather ho-hum.

Who this email is directed toward are people who are really into furry dolls, which are most commonly found filling Disney shops, carnival game stands and gift boxes from Vermont Teddy Bear Co.:

TAKE YOUR FURRY DARLINGS ON A WONDERFUL TRIP TO PARIS
Isn’t Paris, France, still the most beautiful city in the world? Send your cuddly darling on a trip to Paris! Why not spoil your furry beloved toys by offering them a unique journey around fabulous Paris? Furry Toys Tours (www.furrytoystours.net) is a Paris-based company, the first travel agent to take furry toys from across the globe on a one week sightseeing tour of Paris! And so that their owners enjoy the trip as much as their little darlings, we send daily electronic photos during the whole stay.

Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the paper’s first calendar editor. He went on to be managing editor, executive editor and is now senior staff writer.

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