Maybe a smarter gal would've sprinted out of the bar, Tanqueray and tonic in hand, after noticing the crow's feet hiding beneath his black plastic geek glasses. And I would've, too, except that he kept on shooting me impossibly smiley smiles every four and a half seconds, and the Smiths were blasting out of the jukebox, and you know, dim red lighting just makes everyone–even those a full decade older than us—so much hotter! So I had to give him my number. Had to! Just like, after a brief three-week fling, he had to dump me.

Had to!

And although the pain of this failed foray into May-December mayhem was still wreaking havoc on my neuroses last Sunday, I nonetheless decided to check out the SUPERGRASS show at the HOUSE OF BLUES, figuring that a band about all things young, hip and British was a safe bet.

But no!I took one itsy step inside the House and encountered hordes of pot-bellied, peppery-bearded, geek-bespectacled older men. Each with a chickie that was maybe one-third his age, no less! Now, a few weeks ago, I might've reasoned that these couples were merely dads and their daughters, presumably capping off a sugary day spent in TOMORROWLAND, but that was before I'd been harshly released from the grip of Smiley Smile's crow's feet. I know better now. You dirty old men can't fool me anymore!

Fortunately, as any smart girl in search of a Tanqueray and tonic knows, ageism gets you nowhere, so I won't hate you if you bring your dad out to the EELS/MC HONKY show at the GLASS HOUSE on Thursday. Or, if you happen to actually be basking in the graying glow of a significantly older other, on Friday you should settle on some music that you can both stomach and catch PETE YORNat the DEL MAR RACETRACK.

On Saturday, if the two of you haven't broken up because of a fight over whether to watch 20/20 or The O.C., hit up CLUB 22 in Garden Grove for IMPROVISATION and groove to the soulful house stylings of DJS ALBERT DIAZ, SMASH and ALEX. Then, escape the heat on Sunday and sip on iced toddies at the BOOM in Laguna during their AFTERNOON TEA PARTY.

While it isn't recommended that you date someone below the drinking age, chances are your younger mate will have some friends who are, so on Monday take the gang out to the all-ages COFFEE CUE in Anaheim for some trance and drum 'n' bass sets by DJS KARA, SOMATIC and MILITANT. The following night, ditch the posse and head out together to MANNEQUIN at QUÉ SERA in Long Beach for a night of '80s-flashback tunes provided by DJS JEREMY, NATALIE and JENN. It doesn't really matter if one of you was wasted at an Adam Ant show while the other was still in the womb, does it?

Lastly, on Wednesday, bridge the gap between your ages—and ensure that none of your friends ever see you skating around in clockwise circles like a silly fool—at WORLD ON WHEELS up in LA, where DJ RILEY MORE spins everything from '70s old-school funk to breakdance-worthy hip-hop. Some things are timeless. But ain't nobody ageless. Right, Smiley?

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