Coachella By The Minute: Weekend 2

Friday, April 20

2:45 p.m.  Almost hit a girl with my car as she darts through stop-and-go traffic to run into the bushes to pee off Avenue 52. She didn’t even look up as she locked eyes with the otherside of the street (aka the toilet). Never had someone else’s desire to piss cause me to almost piss myself. (Nate Jackson)

3:00 Despite Coachella’s attempt to ban marijuana the festival is covered in a haze of smoke clouds. Happy 420! (Cynthia Rebolledo)

3:11  I’ve spent the last six hours hyping myself up for what may be my final Coachella. The time has come. Let’s do this. (Josh Chesler)

3:20 As soon as Los Angeles Azules started playing it felt like that Dave Chappelle show episode where he does a dancing social experiment. Everyone felt the cumbia running through their veins. (CR)

3:38 There’s more glitter on the walk in from the parking lot than at any strip club in Las Vegas. It’s borderline ridiculous. (JC)

3:40 It’s way too hot to be out here. But the fact that LA Azules seems to be attracting every half-naked, hip-shaking Coachellian on the field makes me forget to sweat the small stuff–like the sun. (NJ)

4:00 The significance of Los Angeles Azules playing Coachella in this trump era has me beaming with pride. (CR)

4:05 The Coachella version of modesty: Wearing a see-through mesh skirt over your highly exposed ass. Like “Sure you may see my booty but you’ll have to strain your eyes to enjoy it.” (NJ)

4:20 Say what you want about scheduling conflicts, but whoever slotted Skip Marley to be performing covers of his grandfather at 4:20 p.m. on 4/20 is an absolute genius. (JC)

4:32 Super Duper Kyle is wearing some super duper sparkly jeans and jacket running back forth across the stage with some super duper ‘90s dance moves. This guy feels like a Disney Channel version of a rapper but considering how hype he is, I can’t be mad at it. (NJ)

4:45 Just spotted a bizarro David Byrne look-alike walking around. Pretty sure my heart stopped. (CR)

4:47 I’ve played entirely too much Dark Souls to not believe that there are undead archers hiding in these semi-transparent gray towers between the two main stages.  (JC)

4:55 Tarriona “Tank” Ball of Tank and the Bangas is amazing. She combines twerking, spoken word and soul singing in one performance with all the drama and comedy of a stage play. This is a raw soul on display. For this being her first Coachella, she is definitely owning the moment. (NJ)

5:00 Tank and the Bangas are bringing back the keytar. (CR)

5:14 Greta Van Fleet wants to be Coachella’s Led Zeppelin so badly that it actually hurts.  (JC)

5:30 This 5 foot girl is showing short people how it’s done, she just whipped out a pop-up stool. (JC)

5:37  I came into the Sonora Tent to see the Regrettes and ended up catching the last 10 minutes of Helado Negro. I didn’t know who he was earlier today, but it’s some of the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen (up there with PPL MVR). I’m now a fan. (JC)

6:03 Although I have no problem with dudes wearing flip-flops, I question the cleanliness and sanity of anyone who wears them to Coachella. The dude next to me is knocked out and cuddling one of his like a teddy bear. (JC)

6:15 Despite the whopping $13 price tag, this sangria is giving me life right now. (CR)

6:28 Meanwhile, every boho chic hipster at Léon is getting their life to the artist’s cover of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams”. (NJ)

6:38 The Regrettes pack the dark, cool Sonoma stage with red hot confidence and sparkly balloons. Their ‘90s influenced, raucous guitar pop is a nice oasis from the booming beats of the Gobi tent. Lead singer/guitarist Lydia Night takes a break from bouncing around to challenge the crowd. “Where did the fucking moshpit go?” she asks. By the time she launches into her next song, a cover of The Sweet’s “Ballroom Blitz” the crowd whips into a frenzy and does not disappoint. (NJ)

6:54 From far away and without knowing much about them, Bleachers sounds like they could be Saves the Day. Either that or they just killed an “At Your Funeral” cover. (JC)

7:22 “I too have never sprinted in the opposite direction of anything except for an officer of the law, Vincent.” – All these boat shoe-wearing white kids watching my Long Beach neighbor right now. (JC)

7:33 The Buttertones are bringing those haunted mansion feels to the Sonora stage with “Geisha’s Gaze.” (CR)

8:20 Some dude was complaining that he couldn’t get the chicken sandwich he wanted because the vendor had to throw out all of their lettuce. We really shouldn’t have to worry about E. coli along with all of the regular Coachella ailments that pop up every year. (JC)

8:25 The DoLab basically feels like a regular club tent now, the silhouette of a lone aerialist twirls above a crowd dancing to Top 40 remixes. This is no longer an asylum for the weirdos. RIP to the old school vibes. (NJ)

9:07 I’m pretty sure there’s an alternate timeline where St. Vincent is the biggest rock act on the planet and headlining over The Weeknd tonight. That’s probably the same timeline where we have President Hillary Clinton, and I think we’d all be having a better time. (JC)

9:20 St. Vincent’s creepy guitar guy needs to go away and we’re cool. (CR)

10:00 Warning, standing too close to Soulwax’s show might induce epilepsy…but it’s worth it. (CR)

10:10 The look on the female drummer’s face at Soulwax could melt an iceberg. Fucking intense! I know they’ve been around forever but this is my first time seeing them and I have a feeling it won’t be the last. (NJ)

10:38 SZA brought out Khalid (who should really have his own set), but it looks like the real party is going on with Jean-Michel Jarre on the other side of the field.(JC)

11:14 Although they definitely happened, I managed to miss all of the Avicii tributes today. I guess we were just on different levels. (JC)

Saturday, April 21

6:00 My Little Pony seems to be the inspiration behind this years Coachella attire. That being said, some people are still clenching onto those flower crowns. (CR)

6:02 I knew rocking my bootleg DMX concert tee was a good move. As soon as we walk in the DJ at Sahara starts blasting a remix of “Up in Here.” My OG chakras are aligned with the Coachella universe. I’d love to let out a loud bark, but my throat is filled with dust. (NJ)

6:04 This is crazy even on Coachella standards. Beychella is very real and in the house. (JC)

6:30 The giant ferris wheel has become the backdrop for one giant selfie photoshoot. (CR)

6:36 “Dude, I walked all the way to the top of that tower thing and there was nothing even up there. What a waste of a perfectly good trip.” #CoachellaProblems (JC)

6:45 Alina Baraz has the crowd eating out of the palm of her hand. The R&B ingenue sports a Mariah Carey circa early 2000s look with a tied back ponytail and piercing eyes as she stares out onto an adoring crowd during her song “Buzzin.” These fans are cheering like they’re watching Beyoncé. A full band and sashaying back up dancers add an extra layer of spectacle to this Soundcloud princess’ live set. I venture to bet she’s destined for a much bigger stage at this festival next year. (NJ)

6:47  I had my doubts, but after being one of the worst acts I saw all of last year, Brockhampton has improved quite a bit. It’s good to see them learning from their mistakes. (JC)

7:08 The only thing better than watching old people try to figure out how to use the cameras on their phones is watching old people try to figure out how to discreetly light up the bowl they packed this morning. David Byrne is bringing out the best in all of us. (JC)

7:25 With the amount of songs David Byrne has that reference him being at home, it’s no wonder he performs on stage with his shoes off. (NJ)

7:34 Watching David Byrne dance as the sun sets behind him is pure magic. (CR)

7:53 If you gave me 20 guesses which show this weekend I would first see someone need emergency medical attention (and be carried out), I probably still wouldn’t have picked David Byrne, I would’ve been wrong. (JC)

8:00 The Spectra installation might as well be a new Disneyland ride, the line to enter is wrapping around it. Where’s a fast pass when you need it.(CR)

8:03 Tyler the Creator’s transition from a full-throttle song like “Deathcamp” to the laid back R&B of “Boredom” shows how far he’s come as an artist. That he could pull both songs off with the same level of magnetism shows his range and also gives us a nice palette cleanser between unhinged Tyler-esque tirades. The Flower Boy is in full bloom. (NJ)

8:09 I’m hoping all the old folks watching David Byrne are now moving over to check out Tyler, the Creator to see what the kids are listening to. (JC)

8:28 Who dat boy joining Tyler on stage for “Who Dat Boy”? Oh, what’s up ASAP Rocky! (NJ)

8:41 Although I’m a big fan of Tyler’s live shows, it’s weird to see him perform a set where he’s not headlining and/or it’s not his own festival. At least he still brought out A$AP Rocky for “Who Dat Boy” though. (JC)

8:55 This is what Coachella is about right here. Watching Thee Oh Sees go from a modest crowd in the pre-Beyoncé hours at the Sonora Tent to a full blown rager as the L.A. four piece summon the spirit of rock n roll with uninhibited, pounding psychedelia of songs like “Toe Cutter-Thumb Buster”. How did I miss these guys Weekend 1? (NJ)

9:00 John Dwyer’s shredding is making up for all this pop music that seems to have taken over all the stages. (CR)

9:36 X Japan has a plane flying over the festival with scrolling lights telling people when and where they perform tonight. It’s getting harder and harder to argue that America is still among the leaders of innovation. (JC)

9:51 No matter how sober I am, apparently I always look like the guy who girls should ask for drugs. I’m used to it, but this time it was in the Sahara Tent for Post Malone, so I’m kind of impressed. (JC)

10:00 Feelin them Bee Gee vibes with Jungle in the Mojave. (CR)

10:20 In the strobe light of Jungle’s performance, a fan gets down on her knees and arches her back in a cloud of dust as she wails on an air keytar during the intro of “Busy Earnin.” She’s definitely busy earnin’ my respect. (NJ)

10:22 Just a few years ago, I was trying to convince my friends and editors to check out artists like Vince Staples and Post Malone. It’s crazy to see how they’ve grown since then. I feel like a proud parent. (JC)

10:37 The highlight of Post Malone’s set has been bringing out Ty Dolla $ign and Rae Sremmurd for a few songs. The rest of it has been slow and kind of boring, so the hardcore Saharans are following the thumping bass to the Yuma Tent while thousands of others bail to get a good spot for Bey. (JC)

11:02 I want to catch a few minutes of X Japan either before or between Queen Bey songs, but it’s going to require a lot of work and I’m just not feeling that motivated. (JC)

11:05 Apparently there’s plenty of advertising opportunities to be had at Beyonce’s performance, especially for this condom company inspiring us to “Put an Icon On It”. Whatever it takes to avoid having Destiny’s child.  (NJ)

11:31 I’ve never seen anything like this spectacle before. Watching Beyoncé feels like seeing The Lion King for the first time. I don’t consider myself a member of the Beyhive, but this is every bit as good as Jack White in 2015 or Kendrick at FYF. (JC)

11:25 The look on Bey’s face this entire show is the embodiment of black power, black woman hood and black pride. I’ll never forget it. (NJ)

12:30 a.m. Queen Bey Slays!!! (CR)

 

Sunday, April 22

2:45 p.m. Once again I arrive waaayyy too early. Yuma tent to the rescue, the unofficial cool down dance party. (CR)

3:05 Lindsey Jordan of Snail Mail is giving us those 90’s alternative female fronted feels. (CR)

3:35 Another cool Coachella afternoon. Only 102 degrees. FML! (NJ)

4:04 Just saw a white dude with a finely trimmed goatee take a break from headbanging in the back of his friend’s blue Mustang to tie his bandana tightly around his braids. He may win for douchebag of the day, and we’re not even in the door yet. (JC)

4:30 Watching Buscabulla in the Sonora from a  couch and it’s air conditioned up in here. This is how to Couchella. (CR)

5:15 Hayley Kiyoko is appropriately busting out some seriously choreographed dance moves during her song “Serious.” The artist known for putting LGBTQ themes at the forefront of her music waives a rainbow scarf over her head as she smiles and sings to the crowd. Meanwhile, music video footage of two female lovers kissing in the background feels like a watershed moment for queer millennial fans who can’t get enough. (NJ)

5:20 Over the course of a handful of songs, FIDLAR has opened up the biggest mosh pit of the weekend, joined the #MeToo movement by telling girls to punch a dude in the face if they touch them inappropriately, started a “girls only” mosh pit, and then threw out a tribute to Avicii. This is easily Coachella’s best punk rock set of the year. (JC)

5:26 Standing in the middle of Cuco’s crowd at the Sonora stage seems overwhelming to me, I can’t even imagine how he feels. He looks nervous, but then that’s kinda his schtick. A cross between Romeo and the boy next door, the bespectacled 19 year-old from Hawthorne gets the room swaying with “Lover Is a Day” like a barely pubescent Julio Iglesias. Having trouble hearing him on the mic but it’s clear that his nerdy presence on stage is all that’s necessary.  (NJ)

5:53 Boachella is in full effect and all I can think about is how uncomfortable Cardi B’s baby must be. All that heat, dancing, tight clothes, secondhand smoke, and loud music can’t be good for it. (JC)

5:55 I live for Cardi B’s song dedications. Right before “She Bad” she gives a shout out “This is for all my bad bitches…ugly bitches too!” She follows up minutes later with a heartwarming tribute to “All my nasty, slutty hoes” for “Best Life.” God, I love this woman! (NJ)

6:00 Cardi B is rockin’ that baby bump. Show em’ how it’s done. (CR)

6:15 I think it’s safe to say Cardi B hired more strippers for this set than Drake usually hires in a summer. (JC)

6:30 This Shake Shack line is a shit show. Luckily I have literally nothing I wanna see right now other than this fucking $13 hamburger everyone keeps raving about. After waiting in line for 10 minutes at the pick-up window trying to order a burger, a tall older guy in a safari hat realizes he’s got to wait in the ordering line that’s now long as fuck. He loses it in classic old guy fashion. “You gotta be kiddin’ me! I hate this fuckin place!” he yells. He stomps through the crowd and goes to sit down in front onf the Mojave tent where 6Lack is about to perform. Talk about having PRBLMS. (NJ)

6:47  So many people are talking about these crab fries that I might just have to go get some… As if I could afford them. (JC)

7:00 That Blazers trumpet intro tho, Portugal The Man is reppin hard. (CR)

7:04 I strategically placed myself on the far end of the Gobi Tent so I can watch Jidenna while also being able to turn and see Kamasi Washington. I am obviously a classic man. (JC)

7:25 About 90% of the white people in the packed crowd left Jidenna’s set as soon as he finished “Classic Man.” The vibes in here just got a whole lot funkier. (JC)

7:39  I made it to the last little bit of Portugal. The Man’s set and found all of the white people who left Jidenna. (JC)

7:55 People getting hyped as they snake though the line at the Sonora stage to see Princess Nokia do her song “Tomboy”.The crowd inside is going off. (NJ)

8:00 Day three, donechella – RIP feet. (CR)

8:29 Over the course of 30 minutes I’ve witnessed Nokia go from a trap house gangsta to a meek emo kid covering Blink 182’s  “I Miss You”. Though the crowd has significantly diminished as people spread out to see other acts, her core of faithful fans are loving this unabaashed stylistic pivot that shows her range as an artist and a weirdo. (NJ)

8:42 Miguel is clearly popular tonight, but this massive crowd (probably the biggest I’ve seen other than Queen Bey) may also be because the options on the other stages aren’t the best right now. (JC)

9:17 Getting to the Sahara Tent is a nightmare with the beer garden out in front of it causing a pretty severe bottleneck in a bad spot. I tried to get there for Migos, but I’m now turning around to get a spot for A Perfect Circle. (JC)

9:43 The crowds simultaneously waiting in line for the Ferris Wheel and Migos outside the Sahara tent both deserve each other. What a hot mess. (NJ)

9:50 Experiencing Migos from this far away is like trying to listen to a robot yodel from the bottom of a well. How does the sound for their set suck this bad two weeks in a row. It’s a mystery, Scooby-Doo and Shaggy (Scooby Doo!) (NJ)

9:54 “I can’t go in the mosh pit! I’ll get hurt too many times!” This is what happens when you have A Perfect Circle at Coachella apparently. (JC)

9:58 Got the hell away from Migos and am now being rewarded with the sounds of Too $hort booming across the field during Kamaiyah’s set. Oakland in the house, BIIIIAAAATCH! (NJ)

10:07 A Perfect Circle is definitely the loudest band I’ve seen this weekend. Compared to some of the other acts going on right now, they’re borderline deafening. (JC)

10:01 It wouldn’t be Coachella if I didn’t get to witness the handiwork of our old pal The Happy Coachella Guy aka Lorn Conner. His famous glow stick sign “YELL HAPPY COACHELLA” is pointed towards the Ferris Wheel and the glowing wire temple structures. Looking up and seeing the whole scene in front of me finally brings me maximum joy. Thanks, dude. Glad I get to leave this place on a high. Happy Coachella! (NJ)

10:31 Eminem would’ve been much better off performing on Friday and letting The Weeknd end things on a mellow note. Everyone’s exhausted from their Queen Bey worship last night, and the worn out crowd isn’t helping his set at all. (JC)

10:35 Hate to walk out on one of rap’s greatest emcees, but this is literally the same show as last weekend and I have enough rage in my feet already that I don’t need anymore from Slim Shady. Boy, bye! (NJ)