[Editor's Note: Quick Questions is our semi-regular feature where we ask comedians a ton of random questions without giving them time to think of anything funny to say. Surprisingly, they still do.]
Matt Cole is a newbie to the comedy game but through hard work and quick wit, it's proving that transitioning into this realm was a great move for him. Currently hosting “The Clubhouse Comedy Show” in Placentia the first Tuesday of every month and with the next show being August 5th, we decide that we need to learn more about this man wielding a mic. Instead of going the normal Q&A route, we hit Matt up with our “Quick Questions” and this new kid on the block handed it like a pro!
What is your biggest pet peeve?
Styrofoam. The noise, being near it, I can't even be near it. It's like my version of fingernails on a chalkboard. I seriously can't stand Styrofoam.
Do you think it's a childhood thing? Like someone once tortured you with Styrofoam?
[Laughs.] I think it's because I worked in a warehouse for a while and I was surrounded by it. It's that crinkling noise, it makes my entire head want to explode.
Do you prefer strippers in or out of the champagne room? I prefer strippers out of the champagne room because I don't have that kind of cash on me!
How do you like to handle hecklers?
Well I've only been doing comedy for about a year and a half but in that time, I've only been heckled by drunk females. How I handle them depends. If they're loud and obnoxious and the room hates them, you can just say some dirty things to them or whatever you need to say. If it's all in fun, I just play it off to let them know that they need to shut up. I just had one the other day at a drunk rowdy bar show and this girl wouldn't shut up. I asked her if she'd given the guy she was with a blow job recently. When she said no I was like, how about you run outside and do it now so when he cums in your mouth, you can spit it out so you'll finally have something smart coming out of your mouth tonight?
Ha. So gross! I like that you think his sperm was smart. You don't even know the guy. He might have the dumbest sperm ever.
[Laughs.] Nothing could've been dumber than what she was saying. Believe me.
Fair enough. Do you consider any jokes off limits?
There shouldn't be but there are a lot of things. Like rape is a big no-no these days. There are all of these hot topic buzz words now. But I do think is, if there is a way that you can make it funnier than it is offensive, I say run with it. But should there be anything off limits? No. That's the point of a comic.
What was your first time on stage like?
My first time on stage was at a drunken blur. I found an open mic and just got up on stage. I think it went well. My second time on stage was the worst bomb I've ever had. It was on the day of the Connecticut shootings and I thought I'd be cool and open up with a Connecticut joke. I lost 24 people out of the room so…
Yeah, sometimes timing is everything! If your house was on fire and you could only grab three things, what would they be?
My computer, because that's basically my girlfriend at this point, I'd grab some family photos, and of course, my baby blanket that I still have.
OK wait. Does this baby blanket have a name?
It does have a name. Its name is Boo-pockey.
Adorable. How do you feel about the word “bae?”
The word what? Bae? I don't know that word but it sounds horrible. People are completely destroying language. I swear in ten years the English language is only going to be hashtags and emojis. That's all we'll have left.
Ha. I hate the fake word “bae.” It's so douchey. What was your favorite cartoon as a kid?
I loved the Smurfs, they were always cool. I guess the Transformers too because I grew up in the '80s. That was always great stuff.
What about as an adult? Do you watch any cartoons now? I still love South Park and Family Guy. Archer is a good one too.
What else can we look forward to from you this year? Besides my comedy, hmmmm…that's a good question.
Wait. Are you saying that the strip club question wasn't a good question?
The strip club was a great question! I am going to work on getting enough cash to go into that champagne room! That is first on my list now. I'm also working on a podcast called “Them Nutz” and I'm always trying to keep doing my comedy thing!
Who has given you the best advice and what was it?
Well Jason Collings told me to slow down because I talk too fast, so that was great. Also, Greg Wilson told me, “What do you want more of? Funny or Offensive? Because right now you're getting growls on stage.” Him saying that made me stop all of that first year shit and work more on my jokes.
Check out “The Clubhouse Comedy Show” with Matt Cole at The Clubhouse Grille on August 5th at 7pm, 2053 E Orangethorpe Ave, Placentia, CA 92870. For more info on this totally free show go to their Facebook and be sure to follow Matt on Twitter @MattColeComedy.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for fifteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.