You are the anonymous neighbor who dumped a large, crap-infested pet cage by the dumpster in our alley. It was bad enough that my fiancé and I stumbled upon it after our Friday dinner outing, but it was so much worse when we found your abandoned lop-eared rabbit running loose in the cul-de-sac. If it weren’t for us and our friendlier neighbors, the bunny likely would have ended up as coyote food. To make matters worse, a rabbit with matching black-and-white markings was found the next morning. After hosing down the vomit-inducing cage and finding new foster parents for the rabbit couple, we all joked about tracking you down and stuffing you in your own shit-filled cage to languish in the morning sun and see how long it takes YOU to chew your way out to freedom.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to firstname.lastname@example.org.