High Holidays [A Clockwork Orange]

Image courtesy Zoma Cannabis

Ah, the winter holidays, when chestnuts roast on an open fire, Jack Frost nips at your nose and everybody knows some Mistletoke makes the season high.

Yep, there is actually limited-edition holiday décor out there called Mistletoke that features boughs of mistletoe intertwined with trimmed buds of Zoma EnvirOganic cannabis. The idea is that you hang Mistletoke as you would mistletoe, although there are no instructions from Zoma as to whether someone who stands under it is supposed to immediately press lips with a loaded spliff, pipe or bong.

The “boutique cannabis” company does advise the following: “Once the holidays are over, you can easily smoke the Mistletoke; just snap off each nug of flower without compromising the mistletoe branches. Wrapped in a big red bow, each Mistletoke is made-to-order for each of its lucky recipients.”

So how much? Nothing—if you are among the first 50 people who email info@zomacannabis.com. Those lucky elves will have Mistletoke delivered directly to their addresses. Wotta country!

Recipients further have the option to donate to One Tree Planted, a reforestation charity that’s helping to make things right again following California’s devastating wildfires of last season and this current one. Zoma says it will match every dollar raised.

Zoma also has you covered when ringing in the new year by offering the option of skipping the traditional flute of Champs and instead lighting up a Champagne preroll, which is made from a cannabis strain known as Banjo OG, a hybrid of Tangelo and Boost OG. It’s said to have a sweet citrus flavor and fragrant aroma that make it “the perfect addition to your holiday happenings.”

The Champagne prerolls retail at $45 for a six-pack containing 4.5 grams of flower. All products are legally compliant and sealed in odor-free, childproof packaging. Get them through zomacannabis.com.

“EnvirOganic certified and ethically grown, you can rest assured Mother Nature is looking out for you this High Holiday season,” says Zoma of its “perfect stocking stuffer” that “won’t break the bank.”

Between the nugs off the Mistletoke and the Champagne prerolls, I suggest also stocking up on pumpkin pies.

Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the paper’s first calendar editor. He went on to be managing editor, executive editor and is now senior staff writer.

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