Look, break ups are hard. They seem ever harder when you have access to music. And since we all have that access, it is hard to go through a break-up and not compare every song on the radio to your relationship.
That being said, reality show star (Laguna Beach/The Hills) Kristin Cavallari got dumped on Sunday by her fiancée, Chicago Bears' cutie quarterback Jay Cutler. AFTER the engagement party, folks! Ouch! Reports say she was too much to handle, that he was too controlling, but whatever the reason, it's over and she was dumped and not the dumper.
Reports also say she is devastated; while we feel bad for her sorrow, we know just like everyone else she will relate this break-up to music. We figured we'd use a crystal ball to see into her iPod and hear what was playing on her top five break up songs in rotation as of now. To be clear, it's not that we are reveling in her pain, because were not. It's just sometimes (selfishly), it's nice to see someone who looks perfect on the outside feel human on the inside. It's like Outkast said in “Hey Ya,” I'm just being honest. The songs after the jump!
Demi Lovato: Skyscraper- Although Kristin tries to
put on a brave face, she is still vulnerable. And young. While binging
on some Ben and Jerry's, I am sure this song is in her rotation. With
lyrics like, “You can take everything I have/ You can break everything I am/ Like I'm made of glass/ Like I'm made of paper, Ohhh woaah.” Ummm
yeah. Pretty lame. I can still picture her singing it though and I'm
not judging. I know you are in pain Kristi (Can I call you Kristi?) and
your taste shouldn't be questioned at this time so play whatever makes
you find peace.
Celine Dion: My Heart Will Go On- The reason we
think Kristin will be listening to this sappy ass song in her time of
“woe is me” is because, it is super sappy. She looks like the type that
would be into Leo DiCaprio and as we speak…is pining for a man like
Jack from Titanic, but alive of course. Even though this song is cheesy,
we can picture Kristin crying her eyes out thinking about all of that
NFL money that she's missing out on while in the mirror lip-syncing into
her hairbrush. Be strong girl!
All-American Rejects: Gives You Hell- Everyone
going through a break-up knows you need a good power ballad-type song. I
remember when Kristin was on Laguna Beach and that song was by Kelly
Clarkson called, “Behind These Hazel Eyes.” Now the power ballad-type
song (of sorts) we figure would be, “Gives You Hell.” It's the ultimate
song that conveys you will be just fine without them. Actually, you will
be even better without them! And most importantly, you need a good song
to sing with conviction when you are rolling out to the club to drink
your sorrows away with your girls.
Coldplay: Fix You- This is the ultimate of songs to dedicate to someone who is in pain and you feel helpless towards. With lyrics like, “And
the tears come streaming down you face/ When you lose something you
can't replace/ When you love someone but it goes to waste/ Could it be
worse?” It begs the question, could it be worse? Yes, girl! Snap
out of it! You could have lost P. Diddy money instead of J. Cutler
money! See? You'll be fine. I'm glad we had this talk.
Taylor Swift: You Belong to Me- When a girl
breaks up with a guy there are certain songs that you'd wish he'd listen
to the lyrics to and take each and every word to heart. We think
Kristin will relate to this Taylor Swift song because it is a comparison
to another girl. Jay's next girl will probably not wear a bikini made
of glass, wear stilettos to a dive bar, and then be a California beach
bum the next minute…but she will no doubt be less high maintenance.
Kristin is the quintessential rich OC kid, and between us, she needs to
rethink this song choice. If Jay was to listen to this song it would only make him want Taylor Swift! Turn off the iPod now Kristin!
Now that it's all in perspective, we wish Kristin Cavallari all of
the best. We know that this beautiful young woman will land on her
Manolo's and date someone much richer and much hotter than we could ever
get. Please don't hate us for doing this list–after all,
jealousy is the sincerest form of flattery. And speaking of flat-tery,
Jay Cutler left her flat on her ass. Sorry…I couldn't help myself.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for fifteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.