Monday Munchies: The Ultimate Fair Food!

Tex-Xex? Photo courtesy of Jefferson VanBilliard

According to data presented by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, a typical 183-gram (6.5-ounce) serving of a beef and cheese chimichanga contains 443 calories, 20 grams protein, 39 grams carbohydrates, 23 grams total fat, 11 grams saturated fat, 51 milligrams cholesterol, and 957 milligrams of sodium. Now that we’ve got the nerd stuff out of the way, let’s talk about how those figures don’t mean anything when you factor in one important point, The OC Fair.

Every year thousands of people from all over sit in traffic for hours just to have the chance at winning a stuffed Pikachu or riding in a death trap built and maintained by teenagers with weird accents, but my recent journey to hell and back was purely culinary. I wasn’t at the fairgrounds to get my face painted or buy an above-ground spa, I was there to find the most American munchie item available while simultaneously searching for areas where I could escape the potent mix of old beer and livestock farts long enough to roll up some of California’s finest.

It didn’t take long for me to find what I was looking for. Among a sea of booger-faced children and exhausted parents, I saw the booth that would elevate me to culinary nirvana. Bright lights and clouds of smoke filled with barbecue-scented deliciousness guided me along as I anxiously waited in the Chicken Charlie’s line for what felt like an eternity. As I handed over a stack of my hard-earned cash, I knew that no matter what happened from this day forward I would never again experience the delight of having the first bite of a deep-fried burrito filled with fiery buffalo chicken, creamy macaroni and cheese and topped off with a generous coating of Hot Cheeto dust.

As I sat there alone, eating my weight in fried food, I realized that in my journey to find the ultimate food experience I forgot that I had learned something else as well: If we all got together and stopped fighting over politics and had a chimichanga, the world would be a lot better off. Just make sure you bring enough Tums for everyone because that burrito is the gift that keeps on giving. If you find yourself at the OC Fair this summer, stop by Charlie’s, it’s the red and yellow booth by the main stage. Happy smoking!

Jefferson Matthew VanBilliard is a leo that enjoys all things cannabis and is just trying his best. He let us know that although the desert will always be his home you can find him on Fourth St. in Santa Ana battle rapping teenagers or at the local high school where he coaches girls varsity volleyball without anyone’s permission.

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