Hello Comrade! This month either marks four years of patiently waiting for “the beautiful game” to return to an International level or, the start of a 30-day window in which people incessantly talk about a sport you don’t care about. Either way, our guide to this year’s World Cup in Russia will navigate you through the best matches, what to smoke while you watch, and where the best places are to burn one (or three) at. Olé!
Portugal versus Spain: Friday, June 6 at 11 a.m.
With most matches being televised at 3 a.m. PST, this midday clash between two of Europe’s biggest powerhouses is sure to get you in the hooligan spirit. We recommend a nice mellow indica to help keep your heart rate down as Ronaldo and company face off against Sergio Ramos, Andrés Iniesta, and Shakira’s baby daddy.
France versus Australia: Saturday, June 16 at 3 a.m.
France is predicated to solidify a win over their Southern Pacific opposition, which means we may see a very high (get it?) scoring game. To celebrate the witching-hour kickoff, try lighting up with Canndescent’s “Flight Pack” with five different easily identifiable lab tested strains designed to suit each of your specific needs.
Argentina versus Iceland: Saturday, June 16 at 6 a.m.
After a quick nap and a cup of coffee, it’s time to watch Lionel Messi and Angel di Maria square up against the thunder clapping bad guys from the Mighty Ducks. Even the most faithful fans need a break, and since we have a full day to kill before the next kickoff, it’s an ideal time to eat an edible. It’s important to ensure full relaxation before the next round of battles on the pitch, you know? Something with just enough strength to help you get caught up on much-needed sleep without putting you into a cannabis-induced coma. We’d suggest munching on one of the many flavors of Chill chocolate. There’s 100mg of THC per bar, so medicate accordingly.
Germany versus Mexico: Sunday, June 17 at 8 a.m.
A strong German side looks to build a defensive wall around the attacking-focused Mexican team. But if Trump’s strategy has shown us anything, it’s that there are ways around it if you can find a weakness and exploit it. For some, it’s peeing in Russian hotel beds. We think they’ll probably send a lot of long balls to Dos Santos and Chicharito. For this game, we suggest smoking a 60/40 sativa dominant hybrid, like a floaty Blue Dream, so you’re awake but not riddled with anxiety– because we’re sure this game will have moments of scrappy intensity. And, depending on what team you’re rooting for, you should pair the Blue Dream with either a Michelada or a Spaten Optimator double bock beer.
Brazil versus Switzerland: Sunday, June 17 at 11 a.m.
We end the week’s festivities with a Brazilian team eager to prove their abilities and hopefully erase any doubts after the 7-1 defeat to Germany in the semi-finals at the last World Cup. By the end of this game, the powerful knockout effects from a crystalline, waxy dab is the only way to ensure the proper relaxation and prepare for yet another week of exciting matchups.
Now that we’ve laid out round one’s games for you, here’s a quick rundown of the places you’ll find us enjoying a quick toke in the parking lot and a cold beer at kick off. We hope you’ll join us.
Pub: The Olde Ship 1120 W 17th St., Santa Ana, CA 92706; (714)550-6700
** The ship will be open for all matches played after 6 a.m. seven days a week.
Pub: The Auld Dubliner 2497 Park Ave Tustin, CA 92782; (714)259-1562
** Open for most games, check their website for updates.
Pub: Shamrock Bar & Grill 2633 W Coast Hwy Newport Beach, CA 92663; (949) 631-5633
** Open every day from 9 a.m. to 2 a.m.
Pub: Lola Gaspar 211 W. 2nd St Santa Ana, CA 92701; (714)972-1172
** Open for most games after 8 a.m.
Jefferson Matthew VanBilliard is a leo that enjoys all things cannabis and is just trying his best. He let us know that although the desert will always be his home you can find him on Fourth St. in Santa Ana battle rapping teenagers or at the local high school where he coaches girls varsity volleyball without anyone’s permission.