Illustration by Bob AulThe Vietnamese art exhibit that drew hundreds of protesters to the Bowers Museum of Cultural Art three months ago closed on Oct. 3 with barely a whimper. When the final curtain came down on “A Winding River,” all that was left outside the Santa Ana museum were two lone demonstrators—and boy, were their arms tired. The show was blasted by some who alleged that among the 75 paintings, prints and drawings on display was commie propaganda. They may have had something; after scanning one portrait of a woman kneeling in a rice patty, Clockwork had the sudden urge to openly declare that our ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing social conditions. Then we rented Reds.
JEWS HARP Speaking of obnoxious anti-communists, Richard Nixon cut his political teeth as a McCarthy-era redbaiter then as president served tea to the Ruskies. Go figure. Nixon talks about three flavors of Red—Russian, Chinese and Vietnamese—in the latest batch of tapes released by the National Archives on Oct. 5. But Nixon's choicest words in the 455 glorious hours of tape involve an enemy turning up with ever more frequency as more Oval Office conversations are made public: Jews. “I want to look at any sensitive areas where Jews are involved, Bob,” says Nixon to chief of staff H.R. Haldeman of Jews in government. “Generally, you can't trust the bastards.” The unabashedly apologist Richard Nixon Library and Birthplace in Yorba Linda—assembled and maintained by Orange County Dick lovers—noted that the 36th prez had as his secretary of state Henry Kissinger (Jew), was a stalwart supporter of Israel (wall-to-wall Jews), and had a Jewish lawyer (whose wasn't?). Language that may sound to some ears like anti-Semitism is actually Nixon demonstrating “compassion and support” for the Jewish community through the use of “terminology from an earlier time,” library officials explained. Oy! How do they look themselves in the mirror? BAREFOOT, TOOTHLESS CROSS-BREEDERS OF THE WORLD UNITE! Speaking of not being able to look themselves in the eye, the Kentucky Education Department quietly deleted the word “evolution” from its curriculum, the Associated Press reported on Oct. 7. Other terms Clockwork figures might get the ax because the state doesn't believe in them include “shoes,” “dentistry” and “sibling and farm-animal chastity.” OUT FROM UNDER ITS ROCKSpeaking of backward white trash wielding way too much influence, the California Coalition for Immigration Reform (CCIR) scraped up enough hate money for paint and plywood to construct another inflammatory billboard out in the sticks. This one—which is on Highway 99 outside Pixley (which is where we thought Oliver Douglas had to go to get spark plugs for his tractor on Green Acres)—states: “Demand Illegal Aliens Be Deported; The Job You Save May Be Your Own.” It then gives an 800 number and says it's sponsored by the CCIR. The group's fearless leader—Huntington Beach resident Barbara Coe—spat, “This sign sends a message to all who support the takeover of our state and nation by illegal aliens.” Two previous CCIR signs were taken down amid threats by longtime Hispanic activist and 1998 Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient Mario Obledo to destroy them. Coe is undaunted. “We will unite to protect our people from the immigration invasion, which is destroying the future America for our children that so many worked so hard and fought so hard to create and maintain,” she said. So many worked so hard and fought so hard to create and maintain their children? How about English as a first language, Babs? SHELDON SHOCKED Speaking of protecting our people, Governor Gray Davis recently inked a package of gay-rights bills, including one that officially recognizes same-sex domestic partnerships. The legislation wound up on da gov's desk after the God-fearing, gay-hater Reverend Lou Sheldon coerced Santa Ana Democrat Assemblyman Lou “Tell Me Whatta Do” Correa into rendering the decisive no vote that killed a similar bill.
So, yes, there is a God.
Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the paper’s first calendar editor. He went on to be managing editor, executive editor and is now senior staff writer.