You are the raccoon terrorizing my pet dog and adopted desert tortoises in the back yard. The first time I saw you back there, you scattered when I flipped on the light switch. The second time, you stood frozen atop the block wall. You would not budge no matter how many times I yelled, “Shoo!” So I grabbed a flashlight and shined it into your eyes. All that did was make you start slowly walking toward—gulp—me! I waved my arms, and you kept coming nearer. Okay, you win. Go ahead and terrorize the pets. I’m tired of feeding them anyway.
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to email@example.com.