You’re my neighbor’s ex-boyfriend who thought you’d prove your unfailing love by violating her restraining order, breaking into her back yard, and crouching under a small palm tree. I thought your determination would wane when the police pinpointed your location from a helicopter searchlight and threatened to sic dogs on you, but you kept steadfast. You proved two things: your commitment to my terrified neighbor, and the necessity of her restraining order. Check yo-self, quit scaring my neighbor and stay off my block!
Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations—changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent—to firstname.lastname@example.org.