This morning, Billboard.com confirmed our worst reunion fears: the Jackson 4 will not only be touring this summer, but working on recording a new album. Only one phrase can sum this up. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING?
Although the Jacksons have a long and illustrious history of going against conventional wisdom, do they really think that this is going to fly? Do they really think that fans are going to pack amphitheatres to check out a half-assed show that doesn't even have a specter of Michael in it? Really?
The Jackson fellas must be in dire financial straits in order to be willing to drag their names through the mud (yet again) in order to make a couple of bucks. It's one thing to tour. But an album? Who do they think they're fooling, especially since it's not like Michael is going be on it. This may be the worst idea since the MJ “tribute” show in Cardiff that barely registered on anyone's radar.
Sadly, we're not surprised that the Jacksons are willing to put out their first batch of new material since 1989's 2300 Jackson Street, which was as bland and boring as the album title itself. Obviously, you can't put anything past these guys anymore.
If their summer tour goes well, and by some miracle, an album does come to fruition, don't be surprised if the Jackson 4 position themselves into a spot on next year's Coachella bill (though if this happens, hell will have frozen over).
On the drive home from Indio this weekend, we amused ourselves by figuring odds of old bands getting back together and playing the festival. Though we included people like Eagle Eye Cherry and Guns N' Roses (infinity to one — and yes, we realize that makes no sense), we never dreamed the Jackson 4 could pop back up.
Sure, we're looking way too far down the road. However, if they bill it as the Jackson 5 starring the hologram of Michael, you think legions of fans won't be hoodwinked into scraping together the $500 ticket price (forget about any falling prices)?
Oh, boys, take a note from your sisters — yes, even LaToya — and retire gracefully.
Daniel Kohn is a writer based in Southern California. With bylines in an assortment of outlets, Kohn primarily specializes in music with other interests ranging from sports to food. As a transplant, Kohn loves the beautiful weather and is glad he no longer has to deal with brutal winters. If you see him, say hi and of course, he’s always willing to down a beer or two…if you’re paying.