Just in time for the holidays (or “Christmas,” as insisted by the FOX News crew), the Irvine Police Department has introduced its new elf mascot, Patch.
Via IPD Twitter posts, you can see Patch on a ride-a-long.
See Patch hitting the station’s coffee dispenser after patrolling.
However, all is not well when it comes to Patch. Irvine would not be America’s Safest City for a gazillion years in a row were its police department not ever vigilant, even when it comes to its own small stuffed mascots.
So, in the interest of total honesty and transparency, we also see Patch get pulled over.
And we see Patch get told how fast he was driving.
If only a warning or, perhaps, a ticket followed by a fine and maybe traffic school were the end of the story.
Thanks to BabyRabies.com, the Weekly has learned there was even more to the sad tale of Patch.
Before Patch was pulled over, he had been overindulging on the Christmas cheer.
We mean REALLY overindugling.
That led to some really inappropriate behavior.
So no, Patch did not just get a warning or ticket, although he did get his ticket punched to Theo Lacy Jail, where he has been assigned to the cleaning detail.
At least his police encounter did not end so tragically that we would now be writing about #PatchLivesMatter.
(BabyRabies.comClick here to go to BabyRabies.com and see even more elf’n debauchery.)
Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the paper’s first calendar editor. He went on to be managing editor, executive editor and is now senior staff writer.