The Short, Troubled Reign of “Patch,” the Irvine Police Department Elf Mascot

What the elf? Patch has a badge! (Photo courtesy of Irvine Police Department)

Just in time for the holidays (or “Christmas,” as insisted by the FOX News crew), the Irvine Police Department has introduced its new elf mascot, Patch.

Via IPD Twitter posts, you can see Patch on a ride-a-long.

Note that he’s protecting his privates. Smart! (Irvine Police Department)

See Patch hitting the station’s coffee dispenser after patrolling.

Seattle’s Best meets Irvine’s finest. (Irvine Police Department)

However, all is not well when it comes to Patch. Irvine would not be America’s Safest City for a gazillion years in a row were its police department not ever vigilant, even when it comes to its own small stuffed mascots.

So, in the interest of total honesty and transparency, we also see Patch get pulled over.

Busted! (Irvine Police Department)

And we see Patch get told how fast he was driving.

Will a pen fit in his fingers to sign the ticket? (Irvine Police Department)

If only a warning or, perhaps, a ticket followed by a fine and maybe traffic school were the end of the story.

Thanks to, the Weekly has learned there was even more to the sad tale of Patch.

Before Patch was pulled over, he had been overindulging on the Christmas cheer.

Has starting with Peppermint Schnapps ever ended well for anyone? (

We mean REALLY overindugling.

Some coke and a smile. (

That led to some really inappropriate behavior.

Bad form! (

So no, Patch did not just get a warning or ticket, although he did get his ticket punched to Theo Lacy Jail, where he has been assigned to the cleaning detail.

Don’t stop until you can eat off of it! (

At least his police encounter did not end so tragically that we would now be writing about #PatchLivesMatter.

(BabyRabies.comClick here to go to and see even more elf’n debauchery.)

OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.

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