The Year in Letters

I'm just curious if your other readers ever celebrate on the toilet when they actually understand a paragraph in your paper . . . Please add to the losers list the thousands of boys whose male lovers have been torn away from them by the witch-hunt you promote . . . I was intrigued by the title of “Ask a Mexican” and the inquiry as to why Mexicans are “such pigs” . . . I have a degree in journalism. I found little real journalism in your story. Try harder . . . Greg Stacy's paean to sadistically murderous fantasy represents the holiday season well . . . He's the typical Latino who doesn't know anything about new music . . . I understand that the purpose of Ask a Mexican is to respond to stupid questions with stupid answers, but in my opinion, that only makes you look twice as stupid . . . My view is that adult/kid love, including but not exclusively defined by sexual interaction, should be carried on in the same spirit as an adult/kid football game . . . I never tire of reading leftist kooks expressing their irrational hatred . . . I cannot believe that someone as vile and nasty as Commie Girl is allowed, by what appears on the surface as a “progressive” weekly, to spout her narcissistic and delusional ranting . . . Dear Rebecca, just read your recent Commie Girl column and couldn't help but notice we failed to get an invite to your orgy . . . Mr. Ziegler, that shit was funny. Really funny. I mean the ass story . . . She was coached, most likely, by her dyke friends . . . While Gustavo Arellano may take great pride in the woolly caterpillar separating your piehole from your clit-tickler . . . I think Buddy Siegal's article about fun things to do with the scrotum is the most disgusting thing I've ever read. And so do all the friends I e-mailed it to . . . ur a negative and miserable man! Let the anger go! Ur not mad at me, ur mad at ur father! . . . I wish I could take exception to your comment about girls at the University of the Pacific in Stockton being unattractive . . . Cornel is not fit to lick Hunter S. Thompson's boots . . . I am going to go vomit now . . . I've long advocated putting the family members of our approximately four million drug addicts on the border, with instructions to shoot anything that moves. I would volunteer, and so would my 87-year-old mother . . . If you know how to portray Hitler better than Ms. Cynthia Galles does, which is what you claim in your review, why don't you stick your neck out and write a play about him? . . . As for “chicken broth spinning doll head bathtub dragster,” I defer to your greater knowledge . . . After reading Chris Ziegler's article about the Willowz, I can understand why they are Orange County's most-hated band . . . The line about the Kennedy museum and fat chicks was hilarious . . . Libertarian asshole? . . .The people that work at OC Weeklyare a bunch of insensitive creeps! Well, maybe not all of them but definitely the editor and his boyfriend Rich Kane! . . . No, this is not Greg's mom . . . You would think that my boyfriend's Argentine Gramma opening the blinds at 7 a.m. to find me hungover in my club clothes after waiting on the porch for him since 3 a.m. because his ex-girlfriend called me and told me they were still screwing. Or sobering up to find my head and back stuck to 50-degree cold cement with the meanest lady in Santa Ana telling me to pick up the trash around me while listening to some heroin addict throw up three feet from me would have told me that maybe I was in a funk, but of course I just thought my life was destined . . . Have you been commiserating with Jane Fonda? . . . Is there no one with the stones to admit that Gwen Stefani has taken the plunge into Pop Suckdom? . . . Gwen, we hereby disown you. Stop mentioning Anaheim . . . Where else can someone laugh out loud at jokes about ancient Carthage . . . It doesn't help that I live in Anaheim and am stuck behind the typical shitbox spewing fumes that have caused plenty of my brain cells to fry . . . Steve Lowery, I just wanted to let you know, you're a Grade A, Prime Choice, Asshole . . . The South Orange County Democrats feel Comrade Schoenkopf has insulted us in the worst possible way by referring to us as “ancient” and “sweetling old folks” . . . Congratulations on twisting the facts and misleading the public . . . To the wimps, wusses, cowards, closeted fags, rednecks, hicks, morons and idiots of the OC Sheriff's Department . . . You guys are all bleeding-heart liberals trying to defend worthless scumbags . . . Thank God and no thanks to stupid idiots like you! . . . You know who else had lots of supporters? Ted Bundy . . . I don't like cops either . . . I really like the one on VD . . . This is just to let her know that someone else thinks her cooter is special . . . I could not love you more (without being homosexual) . . . You may not be aware of this, but your husband's task is to “administrate” the jail and inmates; this does not include random beatings . . . You must be a very sinister and spiteful person to publish such critical and hurtful remarks about a young child . . . You know what's worse than you liberals hating the president? It's terrorists . . . Being the “skinny one” in a family of six fat-assed siblings, I found it accurate that no one wants to touch the obese . . . I would like to add my support to reader B. Dirk Yarborough about your use of staples . . . I can't believe you would ruin your 10-year anniversary on filthy print like this, you fuckin' terrorist! Rebecca Schoenkopf, you are nothing but a terrorist . . . The times change, yet Jim Washburn's irrational hatred of President Bush endures . . . The only problem with Washburn's column was that he may have put himself out of business with a single sentence that renders all of the rest superfluous: “George W. Bush is a piece of shit.” . . . I have an idea for the ever-whining, whimpering Gustavo Arellano . . . It made fun of fat people and had no compassion. This made the article mean-spirited and evil . . . There is no way that Costa Mesa Playhouse's production was better than the national tour . . . without the use of mind-altering drugs beforehand, of course . . . Jim Washburn, are you trying to win the coveted liberal liars prize of getting to fuck Michael Moore in his big fat socialist ass? . . . Mr. Washburn, you are a worthless, ignorant, lying, UN-American sack of shit and a great argument for retroactive abortion . . . I can say that 99 percent of all Raider “fans” I have ever encountered have been true, 24-karat assholes . . . Showing 95-year-old old dick isn't a pretty sight . . . I have seen so many young guys pee in public that I can't begin to count them all . . . The worst thing you can say about the president is that he used to be a major-league sports team owner . . . You dwell in the gutter of your profession . . . It is also complete bullshit if you cannot publish my letter because it contains some profanity . . . Man, you're angrier than a 12-year-old at a Green Day concert . . . Ask a Mexican! used to be our favorite column, but now it's filled with useless facts . . . The ads are unmistakably gay when looked at from the male perspective . . . Mmmmm, nothing wrong with panty lines . . . The fact is, the area of Long Beach nestled in the Virginia Country Club is known as “Midget Village,” not “Midget Town.” . . . Did your writers attend an accredited university? . . . Who is the assistant editor that they did not catch this slight to an entire segment of the population? . . . Your story is probably BS . . . By the way, you could have touched up my mug shot . . . You have a very kind heart, and when the wisdom of your brain catches up we will make you pope . . . Toots is older than Mick but smokes twice as much herb as Keith Richards . . . Anyone with a brain knows the cop who shot the dog playing fetch in Drake Park isn't right in the head . . . Frankly, most people's lives are incredibly banal . . . Yes, Ellen, some comic fans do get laid . . . I just read that “Ella,” not “Ellen,” Taylor (my bad) is English. That explains it. Never mind . . . What part of illegalaliens don't you understand . . . I hope you don't get martyred over this one . . . Enough already, lady . . . I am a pimply faced septuagenarian male, aging ungracefully, with an unquenchable thirst for comic books about hell on earth . . . Poor drummers: always getting pissed on . . . Who the hell told Gustavo Arellano that Puerto Ricans want to be like Mexicans . . . Please try paying a little more attention to Long Beach, guys . . . You half-wits couldn't even manage to get your digs straight . . . Rich Kane's review of the festival at Cal State Long Beach was about as insightful as a freshman frat boy reviewing a Jackson Pollock painting . . . I'm not afraid of a negative review. But farts? . . . THERE WILL ALWAYS BE TONS OF BUTTS ON THE BEACH . . . The article made me sound like a negative douche bag . . . Putting vaginal reconstructive surgery on one side and an ad for a steakhouse on the other is probably the funniest thing I've seen in OC Weeklyever . . . I am a pure-blooded Mexican, but that doesn't stop me from realizing that most Mexicans are dumb . . . By the way, for the record, I now know far too much about your sex life . . . God bless you. You're my kind of slut . . . Unlike you, I will continue to actively avoid the near occasion of chlamydia as much as I can . . . Your journalism blows, severely blows . . . If you haven't fired this woman, what are you thinking? . . . I have been deeply and grievously hurt and pained by all the hostile and blasphemous contents of the issue outrageous attacks, mockings and alienations of the pope . . . It is always a bad idea to play dangerously with fire . . . I consumed 100 grams of mushrooms in one sitting, with no ill effects, unless you count watching dancing Aztec figures on a blank wall for three hours an ill effect . . . when I read the article I wanted to kill myself . . . To even suggest something like the death penalty, even as a joke, is in very poor taste . . . If Nick Carter received the death penalty, I would ask to be given the death penalty too . . . Where is the outrage? . . . And just so you know, I still like Apple Pie . . . Girls may suck at math, but boys suck at language . . . Meatwhistle . . . i'll fold your teath back for you . . . WHERE DO YOU LIVE and have you been OUTSIDE? It is like the surface-of-the sun-hot here! . . . I ask you thereby, to retract and recall all said article in whole and throughout forthwith, and never allow such degradations to ever reoccur ever . . . That article was weak. Just like this e-mail.

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