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Your wife included me in her chain email announcing your family's departure from Orange County. She elaborated about what a tough year it had been for the family, what with your commute to your new job with the presumably gargantuan salary. She also mentioned how you found your new house, that it was all due to God's perfect timing, which, according to her, is a constant blessing.

Where do I begin? First of all, I don't know you. If you saw me on the street, you would have no idea who I am. Secondly, the assertion that God's timing is always perfect makes me feel as though someone is trying to shove a rainbow up my ass. It's like having Hello Kitty kick the shit out of you with her little, tin lunch box. With everything going on in the world right now, there are lots of people who probably think God's timing sucks. Time to edit your email list and take me out.

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