Anaheim and Huntington Beach police officers raided an apartment near La Palma Avenue and Euclid Street last week and arrested the 40-year-old “madame” there on suspicion of being a pimp. The Orange County Human Trafficking Task Force warns brothels are turning up (and turning tricks) ever more frequently in residential neighborhoods. So we offer the following 10 signs you're living next to a house of ill repute.
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10) The guy out front watering the lawn is wearing a blindfold, a diaper and a ball gag.
9) Even the Avon lady gags at the smell of the perfume.
8) About once a day, the lady of the house comes over and asks if you can break a $50.
7) The man of the house resembles Vladimir Putin.
6) Panties hanging on the clothes line out back all appear to have holes in the crotches.
5) The mayor keeps insisting he perform another “inspection” to ensure the house belongs on the next beautiful home tour.
4) Skies overhead are frequently forecast as cloudy with a chance of chlamydia.
3) You often overhear “daddy” being firmly instructed to “give it to me.”
2) When Girl Scouts selling cookies come to the door, the girl answering the door is wearing the same uniform.
1) Every NBA team has stopped by.
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OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.