Life isn’t all champagne and lobster tails for everyone. Instagram and hip hop has us all fooled into thinking our everyday lives suck compared to whatever Ja-Rule is doing right now but I have a different way of looking at things. I spent more than I planned on bad drinks earlier this month in New Orleans leaving me poorer than I normally am which, in turn left me sitting on my couch endlessly scrolling through my feed. Any normal person would allow themselves to succumb to the negativity of comparing their own lives to Ariana Grande’s but not me. When times are tough and I find myself needing to make my dollar stretch I like to head down to my favorite local market and pick up the essentials.
7/11 started in Dallas, Texas in 1927 when John Jefferson Green began selling milk, eggs, and probably whatever the twenties equivalent of candy was out of his storefronts. Back then it was called Tote’m Stores and frankly, it was kinda racist. A local woman had brought back a totem pole from her probably weird as hell trip to Alaska and placed it in front of the store as a landmark. Since nobody really batted an eye about cultural appropriation because they were too busy looking for bread and dealing with stuff like polio, the name stuck. Fast forward a few years to present day and the now japanese owned company has over 60,000 locations worldwide.
Of the 60,000 stores on this green earth I definitely have a favorite. I’m sure there are better, cleaner, 7/11’s with a wider selection of products to satisfy my stoney cravings but the one I call home is special. The most obvious difference between my Sev’ and the rest are the creatures that seem to live in the surrounding parking area. Before entering the promised land you must first wade through a sea of people that look like extras in a low budget sequel to Mad Max. After assuring everyone that you have no money or cigarettes you’re finally able to start shopping for your meal.
Making five dollars into dinner might sound easy if you have fancy things like a microwave or dishes but some of us like to live simple. My Grandpa always taught me to be ready to skip town when things get hot and sadly, dishes aren’t gonna fit in my backpack when the “big one” finally hits. So when the munchies come and your bank account is looking slim, do what I do and put on your chefs hat and find the chip aisle.
Every 7/11 I’ve experienced has chili cheese flavored fritos. The problem with those delicious corn curls is that they don’t necessarily contain the amount of calories you need as a growing boy to survive. That’s why you wait until the cashier is worried about some rowdy teenagers shoplifting E-cigs and open your bag of chips near the chili machine and let that baby turn your boring food into a culinary treat. Pair it with some fresh melted queso while the store owner is busy calling the police on the naked man in the doorway and BAM! You just got your main course for about $1.89. Once the commotion has died down stack a couple of jalapeños on top to satisfy the vegetable portion of your meal and we still have three dollars to spend.
I personally enjoy pairing my entree with the 7/11 brand raspberry iced tea for 99 cents and a package of their own version of antacid tablets which retail for $1.99 and coincidentally ended up being my most expensive purchase. Now it’s time to run the gauntlet of weirdos and find a semi-clean curb to enjoy your creation.
Editors note; We informed Jefferson that all he did was make a sad version of the popular Southwestern dish called a Frito Pie. He promises to travel more and try new things in the future.
Jefferson Matthew VanBilliard is a leo that enjoys all things cannabis and is just trying his best. He let us know that although the desert will always be his home you can find him on Fourth St. in Santa Ana battle rapping teenagers or at the local high school where he coaches girls varsity volleyball without anyone’s permission.
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