We all know there was no Wi-Fi at Day N Night over the weekend. Not only did it fuck up our ability to be insatiable social media whores, it denied us the ability participate in the new Great American Pastime: Pokémon Go. How terrible that today's festival goers should be forced to walk around burning calories in between blunts and trips to the churro stand without the added benefit of catching a Raichu. But even though your phone wasn't good for much except a glorified coke mirror at this festival, there were still plenty of Pokémon in the real world worth catching. For those who kept their eyes up and their head on a swivel, the scenic festival grounds of Oak Canyon Ranch provided a plethora of fantastical creatures.
Tokachu (above)
Ah, here we go. Every Pokemaster's journey must start with a freebie, something to get your feet wet before you really get out there and start throwing your balls around. Much like a low level Squirtle or a Pikachu, the Day N Night Tokachu isn't really all that valuable. He's kinda just thrown in the game as an easy target for newbies. As you can see, his only real attack is the ability blow smoke out of his nostrils, which offers more of a contact high than a Contact Power. Catch his ass with the quickness and move along.
Weavelett
A common ground type Pokemon that you're mostly likely to see way too early in the day when the sun is at its hottest. Looking for a tan (that will likely result in a full-body sun burn), this young creature is looking to get lit as soon as possible. Though obviously still young and likely inexperienced, the Weavelett has all the bravery and confidence required to rock Moesha braids and a backpack straight out of Clueless in 2016.
Scrillatron
If you happen to be by the lake at Oak Canyon Ranch, you're sure to spot this breed of water Pokémon that feeds on poor financial planning of hipsters. His main attack: Surcharge.
NoKuffing
You'll need to spend serious coin and buy some ultra Pokeballs to wrangle the dreaded NoKuffing. She's young, agile, and usually hot (at least from the back). Not only will young Pokemasters not be able to catch her, she'll probably break their hearts in the process. Her best attack: The Cold Shoulder. Better to wait till sometime after she turns 40. By then, your avatar on E-Harmony will have a lot more luck.
Hipstawhip
Chances are when you're tired from an afternoon of walking, this steel Pokemon will emerge from the wilderness mounted by a scruffy hipster who would otherwise be working as a barista at Intelligencia. He normally rides a fixie to work, hence his poor driving skills. These Pokémon are easier to catch after dusk when they have their headlights on. You'll also be able to hear them honking from a mile away despite having a clear path to whatever important place they're pretending to be going.
Best Pokestop: Anything with an electrical outlet
Poposaur
Ok, so we hope you don't actually try to catch this one (especially if you're black). In fact, don't make any sudden moves and just try to make sure he doesn't see the molly stash bulging out of your back pocket. While he may be old and slow, chances are he has six or seven of his close buddies near by. Even the most experienced Pokémaster doesn't have enough balls to take them on all at once. #pokelivesmatter.
Best Pokegym: The moshpit, bruh!
Snorelax
Yep, we know this is the name of an actual Pokemon in the game. But somehow, it just felt so appropriate.
Woah, what's Professor Willow doing here?!
Harambe
The only 400-pound gorilla that could ever be classified as a flying Pokemon because he spends so much time above the heads of hipsters carrying signs at festivals. Do yourself a favor and try to capture this Pokémon the minute he shows up on your map. At the very least, you'll see some tits. Sorry…”Titts”
Maxosaur
WOOOOAAHHHHH!!!!! Holy shit man, judging by the reaction of all these Day N Night festival (except that one kid in the back of this photo who doesn't seem too impressed) this is the greatest rare Pokemon you could ever hope to catch at this festival. We spotted him on Sunday night just before sundown. This bearded, Houston trap rapper is talented when it comes to accepting blunts from fans who expect him to take only one hit and pass it back. His best attack: Taking that blunt and walking away without saying thank you. SO GANGSTA!
