All you may have wanted for Christmas was your two front teeth, but all MMA fighter Ray Elbe wanted was an unbroken penis.
As Navel Gazing launches an investigation into how the hell we missed this one last month, you should know the “Ultimate Fighter 9” combatant, who lived in Irvine while training in Orange County for years, injured his manhood not in an octagon but a bedroom . . . in Malaysia.
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After training in Orange County under the guidance of third degree Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Black Belt Juliano Prado, Elbe moved to Thailand before settling with his girlfriend Bianca in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. That's where they were having a rousing session of sex Dec. 3 when she was on top, he bounced her too high in the air, she landed on his erect penis, and it bent awkwardly.
Think Joe Theismann's leg.
Blood was everywhere. The pain was excruciating. So much so that he passed out. There turned out to be a tear in Elbe's urinary tube and some membrane. He required 10 stitches. Surprisingly matter-of-fact, the 30-year-old goes into more detail here:
After being rushed to emergency in Malaysia, where there are apparently few English speakers, Elbe underwent surgery. The pain was still so severe afterward, he reports his johnson was “throbbing with each heart beat.”
But doctors expect him to make a full recovery; you can track his progress at MagicalRay.com or @rayelbe on Twitter, where one follower noted, “Every year, more than 11,000 Americans are injured while experimenting with bizarre sexual positions.” Fans, family and friends have been donating to help defray medical costs through his PayPal via Ma********@ao*.com.
Meanwhile, Elbe has not let the setback stop his travel plans, which included a recent stop in Orlando, Florida, and a future trip to the Philippines, where he says his girlfriend, “in an attempt to make it up to me,” has “promised me a threesome of my choice.” He understands there is “some solid talent”
there.
Careful, Ray, those girls bounce even higher–and until you fully heal, stay the hell away from Bangkok.
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OC Weekly Editor-in-Chief Matt Coker has been engaging, enraging and entertaining readers of newspapers, magazines and websites for decades. He spent the first 13 years of his career in journalism at daily newspapers before “graduating” to OC Weekly in 1995 as the alternative newsweekly’s first calendar editor.