Just added to the Up in Smoke Tour: Great White!

Photo by Jack GouldSPLIFFIN' CONGRESSMAN
Clockwork hereby gives the Hacky-Sack Salute to Congressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-Huntington Beach), who had the cojones to lock arms with two Democrats and sponsor legislation to keep medical-marijuana growers and suppliers out of federal prisons. Drafted in response to the latest wave of federal marijuana busts of compassionate users and suppliers, the bill would apply to California and the other seven states with legalized medical cannabis. The so-called “Surfin' Congressman”—who, unlike Bubba, admits he inhaled as a young lad—possesses a “very strong libertarian streak,” but he's also personally invested in the issue. Speaking about the pain and suffering his late mother experienced after hip surgery, Rohrabacher said, “I couldn't help thinking, when I was in the hospital feeding her, what a travesty it is that my mother, who's lived such a good life, would be denied marijuana if it could actually help her.” However, don't hold your breath too long after draining that bong load: an even farther-reaching bill Rohrabacher co-authored with Barney Frank in 2001 never got out of committee—and that Congress wasn't even dealing with a war, a free-falling economy or the promotion of an evil Republican agenda.

Lopez
Photo by Gustavo Arellano

ME-OW!
A spat between gay Democrat activist Jeff LeTourneau and two gay men who worked on the recall of ex-Santa Ana Unified School District trustee Nativo Lopez has officially shifted from mild tiff to full-fledged hissy-fit. After the Weekly printed that high-powered Republicans were largely behind the supposedly grassroots recall campaign, gay Santa Ana couple Dave Hoen and Darren Shippen wrote to inform us that they could “hardly be characterized as right-wing.” They claimed a rainbow coalition of ethnicities, ideologies and sexual persuasions lined up to oust the controversial school board member before signing off as “the two faggots who helped the mothers recall Nativo Lopez.” That prompted LeTourneau—of gay-lobbying Elections Committee of the County of Orange and Eleanor Roosevelt Democratic Club fame—to set the record, uh, straight. In an e-mail to supporters, LeTourneau reiterated that his groups and several others opposed the Lopez recall, that the other side was indeed greased by “right-wing homophobic zealots,” and that the power of the coalition that ousted infamous OC congressional homophobes Bob Dornan and Bill Dannemeyer will rise again. LeTourneau ended with a cryptic “Revenge is a dish best served cold!” before signing himself a “proud faggot who opposed the recall.”

IMMINENTLY QUOTABLE
“Though other issues were also at stake—Mr. Lopez is the West Coast's answer to Al Sharpton—at its core, this was a referendum on bilingual education.”

—Wall Street Journal editorial lambasting the lack of national reporting on the Nativo Lopez recall.

SEX AND THE OLD CITY
Laguna Woods has reportedly been approached by individuals interested in bringing “adult-type” businesses to the city composed of the Leisure World retirement community and one shopping center. That got Clockwork to wondering about the top 10 adult products in Laguna Woods:

10. Vick's Vapo-Rub Massage Oil
9. Metamucil-Flavored Edible Bloomers
8. Dent-U-Grip Ball Gagger
7. Lovemaking Porch Swing
6. Carol Channing Blow-Up Doll
5. The Clapper Vibrator
4. I've Gotten Up and I Can't Remember What to Do Next Emergency Alert System
3. Stay Hard cream
2. Stay Alive cream

And the No. 1 adult product in Laguna Woods:

1. Crotchless Depends GREEN WITH ENVY

Defeating a commercial airport at the old El Toro Marine Corps Air Station ranks as one of the greatest environmental victories in Orange County history. But critics of the current plans for a Great Park on the same site include a leading environmental advocate, an Irvine environmental attorney and an evil pro-airport spokesperson. In the Feb. 20 Irvine World News, Defend the Bay's Bob Caustin says the city of Irvine would be foolish to annex the base without first sampling all the soil at El Toro, where vast amounts of jet fuel and other toxic substances have been dumped over the years. Greg Hurley, the environmental attorney who sits on the base Restoration Advisory Board, also supports extensive sampling, which would be so expensive that budget-crunched Irvine only advocates limited testing. But if Irvine comes up short when it comes to soil sampling or any other environmental-mitigation measures, Costa Mesa attorney Barbara Lichman vows her Airport Working Group will sue. Irvine Mayor Larry Agran, an architect of one of the greatest environmental victories in Orange County history, now gets to decide whether to cast his city as ecologically reckless or considerate.