A CLOCKWORK ORANGE

Spanky me … HARDER!

MC****@OC******.COM

Posted Sept. 21, 6:42 p.m.

WEB OF SIGHS
So Gustavo just popped into the office a little while ago and said we've got to post something about the Orange County Register's hideous new website. So Clockwork plops it open and, yeah, it's lame–EXCEPT CHECK OUT THE RACK ON ERICA HILL!!! Yowzers! No wonder the OCSD top brass can't keep their filthy paws off her.

So, yeah, checked out the site awhile, clicked on a couple things, landed on a Randy Youngman sports column with some mildly amusing lines, then got bored. With OC already occupying part of our address box, we typed over “register” with “blog” to check out our pals at OC Blog. Now mammalian protuberances there, sadly, but they did lead off with an item about still-dead Mickey Conroy, the ex-assemblyman who put the ASS in ex-assemblyman. (We don't care what OC Blog says about that “patriot” shit; and when youse all characterize Clockwork as picking on you poor ol' Republicans, keep in mind that it must be with a dollop of self-loathing, considering we're Republican, too.)

Anyhoots, Conroy lying somewhere on a slab brought back rich memories of the Weekly's early days, and the fun we had recounting his legislation aimed at smacking schoolkids around, the groping allegations lodged against him by a former office aide, the debate with Todd Spitzer where “Spanky” lost it and flipped Todd-o off, much to the chagrin of horrified GOP bluehairs. That's the moment that probably launched Sptizer to greatness (okay, that made us chuckle, too), and Conroy to the dustbin of local political history.

So, yeah, we wanted to put together for you a Best of Mickey Conroy Hit Pieces over the years, which would have to be at least as mildly amusing as a Randy Youngman column. Typing in Conroy on our home page search box, we only came up with these three Spanky-centric stories:

An old Clockwork item: When then-Assemblyman Mickey Conroy wasn't trying to enact legislation that would allow juvenile offenders to get swatted, he was soliciting hugs, kisses and twosomes from female aides, according to court testimony last week.

Former aide Robyn Boyd spent nearly three hours in a Sacramento courtroom on April 16 recounting alleged sexual harassment that occurred days after she began working in Conroy's office in March 1993 and lasted for six weeks until, the 37-year-old claimed, she was fired for reporting the abuse.
Red the rest here.

There was this from UCI professor Mark Petracca's Man Bites Dogma column, excerpted in our fifth anniversary issue: If a good paddling makes a naughty child behave, imagine what a good public thwacking would do for a misbehaving pol. [Assemblyman Mickey] Conroy should redraft Assembly Bill 7–which targeted only juvenile graffiti vandals–to include corporal punishment for all elected and appointed government officials who otherwise never seem to incur more than a slap on the wrist–wrong part of the anatomy–for truly consequential misbehavior. Dickens claims that “the law is an ass” takes on intriguing new meaning.

And that's it. But we've written a ton more shit on him. So Clockwork accessed our double top super secret archive and, according to that technological gem, we is full of shit: we have never wrote one story containing the word “Conroy” before that Petracca excerpt, which would mean the thing we excerpted the excerpt from never existed.

So, yeah, Gustavo, far be it from us to rag on anyone else's website.

Posted Sept. 20, 3 p.m.

GOP EATS ITS OWN
We weren't there, seeing as how we had a back-hair waxing appointment to keep, but this past weekend's state Republican convention apparently welcomed warmly the congressional candidacy of someone who is not registered with their party. That's what happened if we are to believe immigration-reforming Minuteman Jim Gilchrist's website (and we have no reason not to believe a political candidate's website would impartially relate the reception their candidate received, especially in light of the fact we could find no reports elsewhere substantiating that claim. But believing him makes this item click better, so we're going with it…).

Jim was embraced enthusiastically by hundreds of Republican and conservative activists throughout the Convention events, commended repeatedly by those participating there for his patriotism and dedication to America for founding the Minuteman border watch movement, and encouraged greatly in his campaign efforts to hold the Republican Party accountable to its grassroots — and its Reagan Platform — on national security, national sovereignty, and immigration law enforcement.

Jim was invited to speak to several of the activist meetings in Workshops and Caucus Meetings, and his straight talk about our border crisis and the need for new leadership was warmly received at each by the base of the Republican Party faithful. The urgent imperative to act to defend our borders and communities that is the question of the hour placed before America — and before the voters of CA's 48th Congressional District on October 4th — was widely acknowledged by those attending the GOP gathering.
Pride and seek
Photo courtesy of JimGilchrist.com

[

Good showing there, Jimbo. But, apparently, that warm welcome didn't sit well with at least one of Gilchrist's Republican oppenents in the race. Like your last prom date, John Campbell wanted all the attention placed on him (seeing as how he'd go on to get the party's endorsement over Marilyn “Deader Than an Impaled Newport Sea Lion” Brewer. And now, according to a news flash Gilchrist just faxed the Weekly (and we have no reason not to believe a political candidate's fax would impartially relate the chilly reception their candidate received from a foe, especially in light of the fact …), Campbell now wants those Republicans who were cooing over Gilchrist out of the party.

Attendees of the state convention of the California GOP were shocked upon [sic] to learn that operatives of candidate John Campbell threatened supporters of Congressional candidate Jim Gilchrist who “supports, advocates, or assists in any way” the Gilchrist campaign with “expulsion from the California Republican Party.”

SIDENOTE: Aren't Republican foes of campaign finance reform always yammering on about how it would infringe on their right to free speech? But if you exercise your rights to free speech in helping a candidate, you've gotta be tossed from the party? Sheesh.

Carry on, Mr. Faxman:

Gilchrist responded, “My candidacy clearly scares them because the Republican Party has become increasingly hostile to those of us who see illegal immigration as a serious problem. The party is more concerned with keeping out conservatives concerned with illegal immigration than keeping out illegal aliens themselves, and that is a recipe for electoral disaster.”

SIDENOTE: Aren't Republicans always yammering about how illegal immigration is the kind of wedge issue that they could use to help Arnie/take back some sorely needed legislative seats? So now their hand-picked congressional candidate is risking inflamming that base, choosing to shoo Gilchrist supporters away rather than wooing them in. Why, that could turn off just enough of the electorate that they could lose the seat to — MOTHER OF ALL GULPS!!! — a Democrat? In Newport Beach? The very idea gives Clockwork skidmarks.

Posted Sept. 19, 2:15 p.m.

CHECK THAT: HE'S GONNA WIN!
In Clockwork's last thrilling episode, we wrote that Richard Lara is bright, handsome, makes a lot of sense and therefore does not stand a chance of winning the 67th state Assembly District seat. Lara writes back to counter–not about the bright, handsome, makes-a-lot-of-sense part, but the he'll-lose part–that stranger things have happened . . . in Torrance! Be advised that Clockwork is posting this under protest, as the following letter violates our longtime rule against publicizing reactions to things we've written that are funnier than the things we've written. (Grrrr!). Take it away, Dick:

Mr. Coker,

Thank you for your email, for mentioning part of my speech on your blog and for your comments on my campaign. Regarding the later two points, I've two comments.

First, the presentation time of my speech is 28 minutes, which is two minutes less than the time I was asked to fill — I suppose I should have mentioned this in my email.

Second, don't you read the newspapers? Please see the LA Times article and ask yourself whether your blog was perhaps not overly pessimistic. The facts suggest that you have misrepresented, however unwittingly, my campaign's chances of success. No apology is necessary, but you will surely want to print a story in theOC Weekly, in order to assuage your searing compunction, that 1) allows me and my supporters to explain what we are doing differently than past democratic candidates for the 67th AD seat, and that 2) takes the facts into account when evaluating the prospects of our success. Because the thought of you wallowing under the burden of such crushing guilt is unbearable to me and my supporters, we will cooperate fully with your efforts to set the record straight. Until then, stay strong, and don't be too hard on yourself. We are pulling for you.

All kidding aside, thanks for the exposure. Given the way things have gone in this district for years, I understand your sentiments. Nevertheless, I hope you reflect on the implications of Ted Lieu's easy victory in the 53rd AD and on the low voter turnout amongst republican voters in that district, and consider doing a story in the OC Weekly that casts our campaign in a more fact based light.

“Crazy Diamond” — that has a nice ring to it anyway.

[

All the best,
Richard Lara

CLOCKWORK INSTA-SNARKY REACTION TO THAT REACTION
1) Don't you read the newspapers?
News-waaaaaaa????

2) Please see theLA Times article, and ask yourself whether your blog was perhaps not overly pessimistic.
Clockwork? Pessimistic. Yeah, that'll be the day–THE DAY THE WORLD ENDS!!!

3) The facts suggest that you have misrepresented, however unwittingly, my campaign's chances of success.
Oh, no, there was nothing unwitting about it, which is strange because, 95 percent of time, we're operating in total unwitting mode. But for this item: witting was burning on all cylinders, baby!

4) No apology is necessary, but you will surely want to print a story in theOC Weekly, in order to assuage your searing compunction.
First of all, we're Clockwork to “print” “a story” “in the OC Weekly,” that would require more work–actual work like calling people up, asking them a bunch of lame questions, transcribing the notes, stringing those boring quotes (boring quotes from some not as eloquent as Mr. Lara, we're sure) together with witty transitions, turning in a story, answering questions from wet-behind-the-ears factcheckers (really, we've checked. Quite strange.), answering questions from crusty old editors (checked for crust, too!), rewriting the story, having the editor kill the story because it's too boring, having the 53rd Gustavo story fall out of the paper at the last moment because he made something up again, having our story resurrected at the last minute to fill space–but now also having to come up with a photo to go with the story (another looong process, too complicated to explain), answering questions from a methed-up proofreader–a methed-up proofreader who bogarts his/her meth, the fuck!–having the story get printed, answering phone calls from all the people who say we made stuff up, which we dutifully blame on Gustavo, and then we have to write a correction, turn that in, answer questions from .. well, you get the idea.

Secondly, Clockwork's had our searing compunction assuaged before, and that ain't no picnic. The ointment to treat a searing compunction alone will break you.

5) We are pulling for you.
Yeah, just don't pull on my searing compunction, or I'll call a cop! (Which brings to mind a plug: see Moxley's latest story on Sheriff Carona getting his searing compunction pulled.)

6) I hope you reflect on the implications of Ted Lieu's easy victory in the 53rd AD and on the low voter turnout amongst republican voters in that district, and consider doing a story in theOC Weekly that casts our campaign in a more fact based light.
Fact-based? You've read our paper before, right?

Posted Sept. 16, 5 p.m.

FIGHT ON, CRAZY DIAMOND
At the end of a looooooooong speech draft 67th state Assembly District Democratic candidate Richard Lara emailed us, he includes the following jab at his own party, which is quite fitting to anyone who has observed local politics over the years:

Howard Dean has advocated a 50 state strategy, and I believe it is a sound strategy. However, this strategy only works if we all stand up and fight, and I want you to fight with me to take the 67th Assembly District. Some Democrats are saying that in this upcoming election cycle we should resign ourselves to hanging on to what little ground we have in Southern California. They see the Republicans attacking Loretta Sanchez in the 47th Congressional district, and they say that we should fight there and forget about the safe Republican districts in which we live. They see the Republicans trying to take the 34th State Senate seat, and they say we should fight there and give up on our own districts. Well with that kind of thinking guiding our actions it is no wonder that Republicans are attacking us in our safe districts. If we are going to do nothing in their safe districts, we might as well roll out the red carpet and invite them to attack ours. Democrats who are preaching a defensive strategy in the upcoming election are allowing the Republicans to call the shots.

Amen, brother. More power to you! Too bad you're going to lose, though.

ALL APOLOGIES
Clockwork forwarded the following letter to our Letter Trolls, but looking into our crystal ball we do not see it scheduled to run in the next issue. Likewise, looking at our story board, we do not see a Stevo Jensen obit there. But it seems like the writer of this letter should get his chance to vent, so here it is.

As a sidenote, we'd just like to say that, of the records Clockwork still cherishes from back in the day, were the Vandals with Stevo at the mic for Pat Brown and Urban Struggle. Back then, we for some reason were attracted to the sound of the Vandals, Agent Orange and T.S.O.L., without even knowing at first that they were from Orange County. We just heard their songs on (non-mainstream, of course) radio, had to grab their vinyls and later found out where exactly the music originated from. The Vandals and Stevo's Sergio Leonesque wail at the beginning of Urban Struggle was the first thing coarsing through the brain when news came they'd torn down the Cuckoo's Nest in Costa Mesa.

[

Jeez, wait, this ain't supposed to be a memorial. Someone's about to rip us a new one, Carry on, kind sir…

Stevo Jensen of the Vandals Dies
Dear Weekly
I'm sad you choose not to run my initial letter (or even a sidebar) about the recent death of Steve “Stevo” Jensen, singer of the Vandals from 1980-84. Stevo died on August 20th, 2005, at his home in Maui. Maybe you don't check your e-mails. … Just in case, I also called a friend at the OC Weekly and left the same information.

I know Stevo wasn't of the caliber of a Mike Carona, George Jaramillo, Larry Agran, Bob Dornan, Chris Cox, Haidl et. al., or any of the others that the OC Weekly loves/hates, but you could at least have mentioned him since he and the Vandals were from Huntington Beach and entertained and influenced an entire generation of punkers. There's a great story in his life that you had the opportunity to explore, yet only silence.

If you consider youselves a news gathering publication, then you and FEMA Chief Michael Brown have tied for dropping the ball last month.

I look forward to your smart-ass reply.

Nils Akkerman
The Vandals

ASKED FOR SMART-ASS REPLY: If it makes you feel any better, Nils, know that Clockwork's punker son stole all his Vandals records. Fight the good fight wherever you are, Stevo!

ALL APOLOGIES II
Clockwork apologizes to Norm Firecracker Westwell, the perennial Huntington Beach candidate for, well, everything, because we didn't wade deep enough in our email inbox to see this until just now, and–due to his P.S., which calls us gutless for not running his letter–we are now running his letter. Because all you have to do to get a paper to run something is to accuse it of being afraid to run it. It's all covered in the ARE TO/AM NOT section of our Commie Journalism Training Manual and Blame America First Guide. So, in a tone befitting a fat imbiber entering Sam Malone's bar, NORM!!!

Katrina's Blame is Ours
Society is loudly whining about the dysfunctional government response to Hurricane Katrina. We are demanding, those responsible must “pay a heavy price” for governments inactions. The sad truth is that those responsible ARE paying a heavy price and we as a society are to blame.

Check closely how our government is organized. Be it federal, state or local government, “The People” are always at the very top of the organizational tree. Our elected representatives, who are our subordinates, are directly below “The People” and the rest of government are below them.

This is OUR government and we have collectively failed ourselves. We have allowed ourselves to become complacent. We routinely permit government to dictate “we the sheepeople” what to do instead of “We the People” telling government what to do. Voter participation is at an all time low. Do you vote? (If you don't vote, you forfeit your right to complain.)

Do you think government is going to protect your life and property from “the big quake” which government tells us “is sure to come”? Californians better wake up and start making some demands of our clearly dysfunctional government before we suffer the same fate as the Gulf Coast.

Can you name your local elected officials? If not, YOU are part of the problem. How is OUR government to serve us if “we the sheepeople” refuse to participate. Do society a favor. Get involved. Try contacting your elected representatives and tell them what is on your mind. If you find they refuse make time for you. Don't vote for them in the next election. It's as simple as that.

And don't blame me. I vote Libertarian.

Norm Westwell
Huntington Beach, CA

P.S. Too bad you spineless cowards no longer have the courage to print stuff like this.

Man, Norm, I dunno. That is a bit too hot for us at the Weekly. So the government bungled Katrina because we don't vote. Whoa, you're really playing fire with that one, Firecracker.

So I guess you folks can see now why we at the Weekly don't wade deep into our email inbox.

OUR SECRETS REVEALED!
Clockwork hears from folks every day who say, Clockwork, put your pants on! Then we hear from other paper who say, Clockwork, how does the Weekly keep on doing what it does? It's amazing! What's your secret? Oh, and could you please put your pants on!

[

I can report right now that what separates us from the pretenders is training. More specifically, training like the following, culled from an actual email to all staffers. (Please don't share this with our many competitors!)

Hello,
I'm glad to finally receive some feedback! This is a trail run to see if it's something we'll continue to do; feedback will benefit us all!

We will be grinding the 2 pots in the morning and setting up the grinder for the day. To answer your question, here's the gist of the grinder:

1) The beans are placed in the cylinder shaped container; should be filled in the morning.

2) There's a setting for the type of grind, from fine to supper coarse. Twisting the cylinder shaped container will move to desired setting.

3) There's a setting for the # of cups you'd like to grind, it should be set to 10 cups.

4) Pressing the long start button will start the grinder; I'll place a “START” label on it for easier visibility.

5) You'll pull the clear box containing the grinds and the rest you know how to do, right?

Thanks again for your honesty!

Columbia Journalism School ain't got shit on us, baby!

EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY
This was sent from one of Clockwork's favorite local peaceniks, but credit actually goes to comedian Bill Maher, who got a nice column (with stinging final graf) from the LA By God Times' Paul Brownfield this morning.

Ethics Test
This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

You are in Florida, Hobe Sound to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer.

Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It is George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under… forever.

You have two options: you can save the life of G. W. Bush or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer: Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Posted Sept. 16, 1:45 p.m.

ACCURACY, ACCURACY, ACCURACY
In the item that follows, I originally referred to Jeffrey Andersonas a freelancer. He's a full-timer. My mistake. Sorry.

Posted Sept. 15, 7:17 p.m.

SUCH A DEEK
Our sister paper, LA Weekly, ran a story by Jeffrey Anderson on Adam Yahiye Gadahn, the nutbar who went from getting kicked out of the Islamic Center of Orange County mosque to–authorities allege–delivering videotaped terrorist threats. What's got our gold lame panties in a bunch is this passage:

Besides a 2004 story inThe Orange County Register, local press coverage has overlooked the alleged Gadahn-Deek connection. TheOC Weekly has explored Deeks innocence, as asserted by his brother and attorney. Earlier this week, it noted that Deek has never been officially named on any U.S. government terrorist list.

Perhaps the fog of the war on terror has hindered some in the media from putting together the more troubling details of Adam Gadahns journey.

Thems fightin words, Jeffy! From the beginning, our fearless reporter, Nick Schou, has been all over the story of former Anaheim resident Khalil Deek, (and, exploring the terror suspect's possible guilt, most recently, JUST LAST FUCKING WEEK!!!). Now, being a might bit offended by Andersons assertion, Schou fired off the following letter to LA Weeklys editor, Laurie Ochoa:

Dear Editor,

The Wild Goat Farmer, by Jeffrey Anderson, (Sept. 16), provided an interesting account of Adam Yahiye Gadahn and Khalil Deeks possible involvement in an alleged Southern California al Qaeda sleeper cell.

[

Unfortunately, I have to differ with Andersons claim that besides the Orange County Register, local press coverage has overlooked the alleged Gadahn-Deek connection.

Thats simply not true. In fact, Ive written about this very connection three times for OC Weekly, beginning more than a year ago, in June 2004. (One of those times was when I included Gadahn–and mentioned his reported relationship to Deek–on OC Weeklys 2004 list of Orange Countys Scariest People.) Nadia Afghani also wrote one article for us that discusses this connection.

In his piece, Jefferson also states that OC Weekly has explored Deeks innocence as claimed by his brother and an attorney. Thats true as far as it goes, but its only half the story, and implies that I never explored Deeks guilt. In fact, I did explore Deeks guilt–among other things, by interviewing and quoting the same terrorism experts that Jefferson cites in his article.

As someone who has written numerous articles for LA Weekly in the past, I confess I felt a twinge of irritation that I didnt even get a phone call from Anderson or his editor. But as a former intern whos familiar with LA Weeklys stringent fact-checking standards, Im also surprised that this process failed to inform what I must say was a rather glib mischaracterization of my work.

Nick Schou
News N Investigations Editor
OC Weekly

SEAL BITCH
Those landlubbers over at the LA Times have a front-page story today on the war between Newport Harbor-area residents and sea lions, while the Times-owned Newport Beach/Costa Mesa Daily Pilot chips in with letters from readers about the barking beasties. The whole matter is scheduled to come to a head tonight when whiny waterfront residents go before the Orange County Harbor Commission, and plead, perhaps, for the right to club em to death, as the areas long ago Assemblyman Gil Ferguson once famously suggested. But we here at Clockwork believe these folks are being shortsighted, or whatever the aural equivalent of shortsighted is. For the one benefit of all those noisy sea creatures is they adequately drown out all the foreign tongues wagging on the citys piers, which are a magnet for inlanders looking for a meal at the end of a fishing pole.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
Two upcoming events should excite those who like to lug signs, harrumph-harrumph in audiences and shout down elected officials or dignitaries. First, all us rabble-rousers who have an affinity for keeping at least some of Orange County open space are invited to a crucial public hearing at 7 p.m. on Sept. 27. Thats when the Orange City Council will hold a public hearing on the controversial Rancho Mission Viejo development, which the Sierra Club and Orange Hills Task Force describe as a 4,000-home monstrosity that will scar THOUSANDS of acres of north OCs remaining open space forever! Project foes would like you to contact them beforehand if youre going to speak because, with only three minutes allowed per speaker (who is not a project developer; funny how that works in the good ol USA, eh patriots?), they want to make sure what folks are saying is accurate and varied enough to drive all the right points home. In other words, these folks wanna be as consistent with their talking points as the GOP, Republican politicians, conservative talk radio hosts and Fox News is with their squawking points. The meeting is at Orange City Hall, 300 E. Chapman Ave. (with abundant free parking–hell, they've giving parking away!–in a lot on the south side of the street.) A trove of relevant official city planning documents can be found here.

Meanwhile, remember when you used to get Columbus Day off? How cool was that. Well, you dont get the day off this year, either, but that doesnt mean you cant mark Oct. 12 with some cool folks (who'll learn ya a thing or seven). Oh, they wont be extolling the virtues of the explorer who gave us Indians Who Aren't From India, a crappy Ohio town and a traffic-snarling Big Apple parade. This is actually the third annual Columbus Day protest at Mission San Juan Capistrano. Take it away, indigenous boosters:

Columbus did not discover 'America,' since Indigenous people were already here. What he did do was commit various crimes against us, such as: theft, genocide, ethnocide, rape, torture, slavery, and various other inhumane/terrorist acts. There should not be a holiday honoring such a vile man. Rather, this day should be used to commemorate the millions of Indigenous people who lost their lives because of this tragic invasion.

[

Junipero Serra is on his way to sainthood for establishing the California mission system, but what he actually created were concentration/death camps for Californias Indigenous population. The same crimes that were committed by Columbus and his men were felt throughout the allegedly holy missions. The continued glorification of these missions is simply not justifiable. Do not celebrate the beginning of historys largest holocaust!

In the outskirts of the Mission, Junipero Serra High School has opened its doors to students. While we agree that there is a need to build more facilities to educate students, we do not believe they need to be built on top of a Native American burial ground. The continued disrespect of the sacred sites of our ancestors will not be tolerated. After the mission protest, we will go to the sacred site of Putiidhem to honor our ancestors and pray for their protection.

The protest is from 10 a.m. To 1 p.m. Oct. 12 at the mission, 2 1/2 blocks west of Interstate 5 on Ortega Highway, before sliding over to the Putiidhem sacred site (across from JSerra Catholic High School) from 2-4 p.m. For more info, e-mail here or call Esmeralda at (714) 270-5392.

SHOE BUSINESS
We had an item about Vans shoe company (scroll all the way down to “Vans Can Dance”), formerly of Orange County, traveling to Texas to deliver new shoes for Hurricane Katrina victims. Well, theres also a local company doing the same thing. Lake Forest-based Sole Technology is sending 5,000 pairs of shoes and 5,000 pieces of apparel to victims as well. Sole Technology, whose CEO, Pierre Andr Senizergues, is a former world champ skateboarder is the creator of etnies, etnies Girl, Emerica, S and ThirtyTwo brands.

FUN WITH GOOGLE
Go to Google, type in failure and see what pops up. Cool, huh?

Okay, now type in worst president ever. Oh, thats tres bitchen!

WAIT! WAIT! Now do asshole and hit the I Feel Lucky button. LOL!!!

OPPOSITES ATTRACT
You dont find conservatives and environmentalists agreeing on much, which is surprising given that 'conserve' and 'conservation' are–well, thats another blog item some time. What the two seem to be agreeing on are positive views of March of the Penguins, the surprise hit documentary and current runner-up to Fahrenheit 9/11 as the biggest-grossing doc of all time.

The fact that conservatives are going nutso for March has caught the attention of the New York Times, which relates that on conservative website WorldNetDaily.com, an opponent of abortion wrote that the movie 'verified the beauty of life and the rightness of protecting it,' that at a conference for young Republicans, the editor of National Review urged participants to see the movie because it promoted monogamy, that a widely circulated Christian magazine said it made 'a strong case for intelligent design,' and that gay mustachioed movie reviewer/right wing Hollywood hitman Michael Medved called it 'the motion picture this summer that most passionately affirms traditional norms like monogamy, sacrifice and child rearing.' Which means we should hate it, right? Well, Emily Gertz of the online, green-friendly Grist Magazine calls March 'the years most beautiful film' and 'a moral fable of love, loyalty, and bravery.' (In the same column, Gertz also plugs Werner Herzogs Grizzly Man as 'a great film, the kind that will leave you and your friends debating humanitys relationship with nature.')

SUPER DUPER
Opera Pacific wants men–and you dont even have to slice your nads off to hit the high notes. Orange Countys opera-producing company needs supers for its 20th anniversary season opening production of Puccinis Tosca. Supers or supernumeraries, who DO NOT need formal opera training or stage experience, are essentially extras who wear costumes, manipulate props (ouch!) and make the kind of grand pantomimic gestures for which the art form is famous. The company needs men of any age who are between the heights of 511 and 62 with chest sizes between 38 and 46 and waist sizes between 34 and 40.

Successful candidates will be required to attend all assigned evening and weekend rehearsals beginning October 30 and the four performance dates of November 15, 17, 19, and 20, 2005. The company offers a small stipend for rehearsals and performances, as well as complimentary tickets to the production. Interested? Email Jennifer Cook or phone 714-546-6000.

PREVIOUS POSTS:
A Clockwork Orange (Sept. 7, 2 p.m.-Sept. 13, 3:30 p.m.)
A Clockwork Naranja (Arellano), with some Orange (Coker) down near the bottom (Aug. 31, 6:05 p.m.-Sept. 5, 3ish)
A Clockwork Orange (Aug. 26, 4 p.m.-Aug. 30, 6:15 p.m.)
A Clockwork Orange (Aug. 22, 5:07 p.m.-Aug. 25, 6:01 p.m.)
A Clockwork Naranja (Aug. 14-22, 10 a.m.ish)
A Clockwork Orange (Aug. 2-10)