Christina Pazsitzky Talks Sausages, Pooping, and How Gross It Is to Call Your Lover “Daddy”

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): Sum up your comedy style a few words … just as a warning to my parents to not read the rest of this.

Christina Pazsitzky: That's the hardest question! What I try to do is just be honest. I don't try to shock or be edgy; I just say what's in my heart. I think that it's about yourself and telling the truth. I don't do impressions but I would just describe it as trying to be truthful and if it comes across as gross or crude, I hope people don't  judge. Hopefully people click into that.

It's quite a double standard with men and women, huh?

I think people have a problem with female comedians talking the way boys do. If I say something that a dude would say people will be like, “Whoa! She's so crude!” But really I'm just saying the same shit anyone else would. For some reason because it comes out of this body, people like to think of you as wild!

]

So who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?

[Laughs.] Me? They'd have to get Burt Reynolds to play me! I don't know! What a good question! It's gotta be someone super bad ass like Kim Deal from the Pixies. Yeah, Kim Deal. Final answer.

And is it safe to say you have an obsession with hotdogs?

Ohh!! I'm so disgusting. I'm so lazy that I need the sausages now so I put them in the microwave. I don't give a shit if it explodes in there. The key is to cut them a little bit, just poke some holes in them. My favorite way is to boil them, old school. That's a good one.

I like to boil them, then drain the water and put them back in the pan on high to crisp up the outside. It's a two-parter.

That's an advanced move. You're not as lazy as I am, obviously. You have an appreciation. I love sausages. I feel like they are a class distinction food for me. Not everybody is down for sausage because it's all these nasty miscellaneous bits in a mysterious casing. You just have to eat it and not think about it. It's like a metaphor for life. It's just a bunch of nasty bits that you try to make delicious. 

You love “poo humor,” which I can appreciate. Is that something that you were born into?

You know, I did some gigs in Afghanistan and you have to shit in a plastic bag and that's not even the worst part! You have to take that bag and throw it into a fire pit to burn it. Yeah, it's a severe game changer when you shit into a plastic bag. At my house I feel like shitting and sausages were the main topics. Maybe it's an immigrant thing because we're Hungarian and Indians and I feel like it's a low class subject, I don't know but I like it. At my house we still talk about poo-ing and we're really open, which I love. I can't imagine a life where you didn't discuss those things. It's like, you do it so frequently so why not talk about the stuff you do the most?

[
I assume it's lots of fun at your house, with your husband being a lover of poo humor too.

Yeah, I don't understand couples who don't talk about it. How can you have an honest and authentic relationship with somebody and not be like, hey, I gotta take a dump. Like, how can you watch a movie with someone and just get up and scamper off without addressing what you're doing? It's so bizarre.

I was listening to your podcast,”Your Mom's House” and noticed we have something in common. I also have a huge crush on “Sexy Rexy Ryan.” After the whole “Hard Knocks” thing I became obsessed.

No! [Laughs.] I love him! That's when I got into him too! There is something so alluring about a person who just says what they want to say in this culture. And why aren't more people just able to be like, “fuck that guy,” or able to say what they feel in their heart? You know he doesn't have a censor on him so people think that really wild but, I feel like everyone in my family is like that guy! Most people I like hanging out with are like that guy!

Love Rex! I also learned we share a crush on John Goodman.

Wanna know a secret too? I love him so much that we have a framed picture of him in our bathroom. He watches you in your most intimate moments. I think I like guys like him because when men are too fit, it's almost vain to me. It's almost a feminine trait when a guy is so into his body and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if that speaks more about my body. [Laughs.] It's easier if you both don't give a shit!

How many nicknames do you and your husband have for each other?

[Laughs.] You know what's so funny? You're the first person to ask about that. I'm surprised because we've been doing the podcast for like, 32 episodes and no one's been like, what's up with the “mommy jeans”?

Seriously though. What's up with the “mommy”? You both call each other that, among other things …

The genesis of this came years ago and we were just sitting and noticed, we just like to call each other dumb names. So he just started calling me “mommy” as a joke like, “Mommy I would like some corn flakes!” It was just so weird. We were talking about how gross it is when people call their lover “daddy.” I think that was part of the discussion that led to it. Then I started calling him mommy and it sort of evolved into mommy jeans. Then it turned into doggie jeans and sister jeans, there is just all this name calling in our house! It just makes us giggle. It's just what happens when two comedians are married. Everything's a joke and it changes every day. Right now I'm calling him “beefy bear” and he's calling me “candy jeans.” We should keep a running list.

[

Ok, back to Afghanistan … when did you go there?

I just went back in June. I celebrated my birthday in Kyrgyzstan where they process you first and then you fly into Kandahar. I spent like two weeks over there which was life changing. It was a trip to see all of the women in burkas. One thing I learned is that if a man really loves his wife over there, he'll build a wall around the back yard so she doesn't have to wear her burka while she does her chores. Isn't that sweet?

In a way, yes. Oy. Would you go again?

Oh gosh! Give me some time to recover from the first one! It was an awesome experience because I am real patriotic. I'm not sure I support everything our government does but as an immigrant to this country, I'm very supportive of our troops. It was heartbreaking and it was also rewarding. Those guys are real men. They can chew glass and build houses out of rocks. They're amazing. I have so much respect for anyone who goes over there.

Tell me about your first comedy CD, It's Hard Being a Person.

I recorded it at Go Banana's Comedy Club in Cincinnati in April. It's really exciting because after the ten years I've been in comedy, I figured it's time to put something down. So far the feedback's been really positive. I'm so excited because I got the title from a telemarketer years ago before I was a full-time comic. I would call people all day harassing them with surveys on eggs and would get shit on constantly. So I slammed down the phone and I was like, “I hate this fucking job.” This guy named David who I worked with was like, “Yeah man, it's hard being a person.” I was like, when I leave here and become a comedian and record an album, I'll call it that!

That's awesome! Where can people get it?

You can get it on iTunes if you like prefer the immediacy factor, which I like. That way you can get it and get on with it! If you buy the hard copy you'll love it too because the artwork is cool and was done by one of my friends Kristen Botshekan and my friend Sarah Burns took the cover shot. They helped me tremendously with it!

And with Brea, this time the “Keepin' it Reality” comedy showcase benefits the Spark of Love Toy Drive. That's great!

Yeah, it's for a good cause. You can bring a toy to the show and the kids will get toys for Christmas. Or Hanukkah or Kwanza! It's great. You'll also get a $10 discount at the door which is phenomenal!

What kind of show should the audience expect from you?

I've performed for female prisoners, people in AA, Afghani soldiers — it's always funny when you're telling shit jokes for a good cause. It's weird like that. I mean, I'm sure there are comics that can keep it PG, but I can't. It'll be a good grown-up time. Leave the kids at home. We'll cover a lot of stuff.

Christina Pazsitzky is at the Brea Improv tonight; tickets are available on the Improv website. Get Christina's new comedy CD It's Hard Being a Person on ITunes, Rooftop Comedy, and Amazon. Follow Christina on Twitter at @ChristinaP and check out upcoming tour dates on her website www.christinacomedy.com. The Improv is located at 120 South Brea Blvd., Brea, CA 92821