There’s something to be said for that drunken moment at a bar or up in the club when a particular song gets played and you get extra hype. Especially if you’re a female. You know, that moment “your jam” pumps through the speakers and you throw your hands in the air and scream, “Oh shit girl! This is my song!!” It’s utter magic. And while everything is circumstantial, we picked our favorite “female empowerment anthem” and then had some guys narrow down the rest of them because that makes perfect sense, right? This group of comedic men we asked are on the “Rated R for Radical” show at the Irvine Improv this April 20th so if you lovely ladies have any objections to their choices, go ahead and take it up with them. Because this list, it’s all about the bitches. (Respectfully.)
5. Kelly Clarkson, “Since You’ve Been Gone” (OC Weekly)
Can I please get a hell yeah on this post-break-up jam? It’s like, when you’re in a relationship you breathe your partner in. They’re everything! But when you break up what you discover is, well as Kelly puts it, “I can now breathe for the first time.” This song is full on empowerment at its finest and in our book, it deserves to be shout-sang to the point of embarrassment and annoyance. (*Disclaimer: This only goes for post-break-up moments. Very important.*)
4. French Montana, “Pop That” (Deric Poston)
Every time I’ve ever been in the club and this song comes on, girls love it. They like to get hype! It’s an empowering song I think because I’ve never heard them play an Eleanor Roosevelt song. When I hear “Pop That” start up and that beat drops, women just know it’s pussy popping time. That’s empowerment if I’ve ever seen it! I don’t have that same courage so instead, I just sit there wishing I had the confidence to pop my own cock.
3. Kelis, “Milkshake” (Grant Cotter)
Every girl loves this song because they all think they have a milkshake but some of them are a little lactose intolerant, you know what I mean? “Milkshake” is a song definitely geared towards chicks because if a dude used a milkshake to brings all of the boys to the yard, he’d get arrested. This song talks about treating you but having to charge so actually, it seems like it’s talking girls into being OK with prostitution. I’m all for empowering woman though so I’m down with it.
2. Beyoncé, “Single Ladies” (Amir K.)
“Single Ladies” by Beyoncé is a super chick anthem because it gives all of the single ladies hope. Everyone has been in that situation where they think someone is into them but and they’re like, “if you like it then you should’ve put a ring on it.” This is such a great empowerment song because it’s perfect for a girl that is mad about her ex-boyfriend and their friends are there like, “Girl, he wasn’t good for you anyway!” This song is also the perfect gauge if I want to talk to a girl or not. If you know the lyrics to this song, I don’t want to talk to you. C-U-next Tuesday.
1. Fight Song, “Rachel Platten” (Thomas Dale)
“Fight Song” even makes me think I’m a twelve-year-old girl when it comes on! This song is all about Rachel living her life, doing her thing, following her dreams, and persevering over any emotional stress that she probably gave herself. I know that because I have a half female brain. When this song comes on women will throw their pocketbook in the middle of a circle, grab their best friend, and literally just raise their hands to the sky and scream because it’s all about them. They’re like, “I’m so over it!!” But really though, they’re not even over it because if they were, none of this would be happening.
Hurry and grab your tickets now to see “Rated R for Radical” with Amir K., Deric Poston, Grant Cotter, Thomas Dale, and Quincy Jones at the Irvine Improv on April 20th, 31 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455. For tickets go to www.Improv.com.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for sixteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.