GWAR
The Observatory
10/17/13
“Dude, that shirt…is done.”
For a GWAR fan, this is one phrase that never gets old. Because chances are you're saying it to a GWAR show virgin who made the mistake of standing in the pit wearing clothes he or she actually cares about. Though the band have been doing practically the same blood-spewing, head-severing, clothes-soaking shtick for 20 plus years, there's always someone in the room who didn't get the memo.
The Observatory had no shortage of young newbies last night, as a packed crowd showered rabid praise on Oderus Urungus and his band of demigod alien rockers from various planets. Of course, the band wasted little time returning fire with cock cannons, torn limbs and acid-tongued demon trolls filled with red and blue bodily fluids. Yeah, fuck your shirt…and your pants, bro.
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Currently, the band is traveling the galaxy in support of the September release of their latest effort, Battle Maximus. Last night, Orderus (a.k.a. Dave Brockie) and crew transformed the old Galaxy Theater (the band refuses to acknowledge the venue's name change) into a post-apocalyptic hell hole where the Queen of England, Justin Bieber and Pope Francis came to get their chest cavities and reproductive organs forcibly removed. In the midst of all the blood lust and gore were a few tracks from the new album–the band's first since the death of guitarist Flattus Maximus (a.k.a. Cory Smoot), who died in 2011.
Though the band took turns slaying garden variety celebrities and political figures, their newest nemesis, Mr. Perfect–a body-less goblin with a head mounted on a floating, tube-like space craft–posed a real threat. His mission: to steal jizzmoglobin out of Oderus' trademark alien cock to harness its power to create his twisted definition of the perfect human race. At one point, he sent his example of the perfect female–a brainless, speechless minion called the Jizzmogobbler made entirely of tits–to do battle with the band. Thankfully, they made short work of her in time to thrash along to staples like “Bring Back the Bomb,” “Pre-Skool Prostitute,” and “Let Us Slay” and newer gems like “Hail, Genocide!” and “Torture,” from Battle Maximus.
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It all lead up to the final throwdown in last night's demonic space Odyssey as a roided-out Mr. Perfect returned to do battle after somehow stealing enough of Oderus' jizzmoglobin to make himself into a massive, full-bodied blue monster. But even at eight feet tall sporting arms like tree trunks, the sneering goblin was no match for Oderus as he and the band pounced on Mr. Perfect, ripped off his arms and his head and put a sword through his chest–raining his blue blood onto the crowd as fans stood with their heads tilted back and mouths open.
The encore was just as epic with crowds cheering during the the decapitation of Pope Francis and a Satanic cover of Billy Ocean's “Get Out of My Dreams” mashed up with the Who's “Teenage Wasteland.” As always, GWAR ended their set exactly the way they wanted it–with newcomers and veterans alike wringing the blood out of their shirts in the parking lot.
Critical Bias: GWAR is the best band in this or any galaxy (we pretty much have to say that, or else they'll destroy us all).
The Crowd: Drenched
Overheard: Oderus on stage right before ripping off Justin Bieber's cock: “Why are we killing Vanilla Ice?”
Random Notebook Dump: There was this one girl who we saw jump off the second tier railing to crowd surf the pit at least half a dozen times. Now that, is dedication! And we're sure a bunch of gropey metal heads didn't mind either.
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