Martin H. Millard

Martin H. Millard is best known as the Costa Mesa anti-immigrant gadfly and prolific racist website contributor who once said racial intermarriage will one day lead to the creation of a “Tan Everyman” and, genetically speaking, a “slimy mass of glop.” Such comments, as well as Millard's past service on Costa Mesa's citizen's advisory committee, have made the city's controversial effort to deputize local cops as immigration agents even more controversial. Since he's a man who isn't afraid to share his opinions—as long as he gets paid to share them—we recently asked Millard to weigh in with his 10 favorite things about Orange County. We were hoping to discover the identity of Millard's favorite Mexican restaurant, kosher deli and alternative newsweekly, but he had his own ideas and, amazingly, none of them involve the words “Mexican” or “slimy mess of glop.” Here are Millard's bile-filled favorites, in no particular order.

Best place to breathe industrial fumes. “Downwind of the massive industrial zone on Costa Mesa's Westside bluffs. This means just about anyplace in Costa Mesa, which has a whopping 14 percent of its land zoned for industrial uses. By contrast, adjoining Newport Beach only has two percent of its land zoned this way. Forget about second-hand smoke from a single butt that someone might have smoked six months ago in a room you're entering—that's not a very efficient way to get a dose of modern chemistry. Instead, go for the mother lode. Take a big puff of Costa Mesa air near 19th and Placentia to get the feeling of being instantly transported back to the lung blackening dawn of the industrial revolution. And, yes, there have been reports of odd cancers, sudden sensitivity to ordinary soap and nose bleeds. Hey, do you want to live forever?”

Best redevelopment mess. “Triangle Square in downtown Costa Mesa is an example of the saying that 'a camel is a horse designed by a committee.' Back when the center was built, the suits decided that shoppers wouldn't mind parking in an underground parking garage and then going upstairs to shop. They were wrong.” 1870 Harbor Blvd., Costa Mesa, (949) 722-1600.

Best freeway boondoggle. “The Newport (55) Freeway will take you to Newport Beach and Huntington Beach, butnot all the wayto the beach. Maddeningly, it ends in the middle of the stupidest place on earth to end a freeway—downtown Costa Mesa next to Triangle Square—and the result is a major traffic bottleneck. Of course you could become a spelunker and turn into the parking garage of Triangle Square and have a picnic in the cool air underground. You might have the place all to yourself.”

Best restaurant on West 19th Street. “Someone Cares Soup Kitchen is housed in what used to be an upscale Chinese restaurant that didn't make it. This place offers good grub and the price is right—free. Beats the hell out of dumpstering, unless you're a friggin' purist.” 720 W. 19th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 548-8861; www.someonecaressoupkitchen.com.

Best place to see the sunset. “Working on a drill press, spraying fiberglass or painting cars in factories and businesses on the Westside bluffs of Costa Mesa. If these bluffs were several yards over in Newport Beach, you'd need a king's ransom to buy a property where you could have such views.”

Best location for a new airport. “The northern part of Camp Pendleton, with takeoffs and landings over the surfers below. Then use John Wayne Airport for crop dusters. Or, better yet, turn it into a park.”

Best place for free medical and dental care. “Share Our Selves (SOS). Legal or illegal, no problema.” 1550 Superior Ave., Costa Mesa, (949) 642-3451; www.shareourselves.org.

Best living example of pointillism.“Costa Mesa city councilperson Linda Dixon. Look at any photo of Dixon and you'll think of Seurat. She looks so diffuse in her photos that she blends into the background—which is where she belongs.”

Best location for a new Costa Mesa job center.“East 17th Street and Dover Drive in Newport Beach. The old job center was located on W. 17th Street and Placentia Ave. in Costa Mesa, so this new location wouldn't be much of a stretch. Besides, records from the old job center indicate that more than half of the people hiring day workers there were from Newport—although over its 17-year run it cost the citizens of Costa Mesa more than a million bucks. Newporters who hired workers there got a free ride. No wonder so many Newporters whined when the center closed. Let's see how many Newporters will support a job center in their city. Can you spell NIMBY?”

Best business opportunity.“Open a charity in Costa Mesa. You can download the forms on the Internet. Once you set up your charity, you'll have a steady stream of illegal alien clients to take whatever you're offering. You can even trade clients back and forth with other charities. You can then use your ever-increasing client roll to justify other various fundraising efforts, and you can even apply to the city for HUD CDBG funds. If you're palsy-walsy with the libs on the city council, they may give you anywhere from $10,000 to $20,000 of taxpayer money each year. Remember, even though your charity entity can't show a profit like a for-profit business, you can distribute the money you make in the form of salaries. Thus, you can give yourself a salary of anywhere from $60,000 to $200,000 per year plus perks for your charity work. No, we ain't talkin' Mother Teresa here.”