Metalachi Love Boobs

“It might be good to title your article, 'Boobies,'” El Cucuy, trumpet player, says. “And your first sentence would be boobs.”

Breasts, in one word or another, came up nearly 30 times during our interview with two of the five brothers who make up the metal mariachi band. “The most surreal moment [of our career was] when we had three girls show us their boobies after a show at the same time. We like to call them chi chis,” brother Maximillian “Dirty” Sanchez says.

“Chi chis. It's like a magic word,” El Cucuy says. “It's like a fine wine.”

Though we can't verify the validity of their claims, the brothers Espinoza say their mother, Consuela Espinoza, conceived them simultaneously in 1982 after a “night of snorting horse tranquilizers with seven members of the village jai alai team in a Super Ocho” motel in Veracruz, Mexico. El Cucuy, now based in Los Angeles, doesn't see the novelty in their origins.

“What's so strange about it? I don't know. I think it's pretty rock & roll,” he says. “It gives you something to sing about. You can make a song about losing your virginity to a carne asada burrito. Man, that sounds like a country song.”

Though country they are not. They combine the bad-ass arrangements and lyrics of metal bands such as Metallica and hair metal such as Guns N' Roses and Bon Jovi with the distinct instrumentation of mariachi. The intro to “Crazy Train” on a trumpet? Yes, please. They cite Black Sabbath as the greatest metal band ever. “They're dark, and they're scary, and their music kicks ass, and they play metal,” El Cucuy says. “And they get a lot of boobies on tour.”

The genres are more similar than you might think. They are both epic styles and take a fair amount of skill to execute. “There's a commonality in the people who like both types of music,” El Cucuy says. “You look at people who listen to metal: Either they're high, they're drunk, or they do drugs. You look at the people of mariachi: Their blood-alcohol level is above that of a tranquilized horse. They're so drunk off tequila, they laugh, they scream, they get naked, they dance.”

The band's motto is “The more you drink, the better we sound.”

El Cucuy quickly adds, “And the more likely you are to show your chi chis.”

Their wardrobe is similar to that of Kiss, except with lit-up sombreros. “You have to kill people to get [a sombrero],” Maximillian says.

“I have to apologize for my brother; he's very dark and likes to kill people,” El Cucuy says. “Me, I could probably get you one for some boobies. Okay, I consider that a fair trade.”

According to Maximillian, all of their costumes are custom-made by child factory workers in Mexico. They assure that the children are paid fair and square—with tacos and Chiclets.

“Yeah, little kids love Chiclets,” El Cucuy says.

When they take time off from being in the self-proclaimed “greatest heavy metal band to ever live,” Maximillian is busy hunting chupacabras and making tacos with their meat. “Have you ever had the McRib at McDonald's?” El Cucuy asks. “It tastes like [chupacabra]. It's probably what McDonald's uses.”

Quite the baker, El Cucuy also bakes cookies in the shape of kittens and—what else?—boobies.

Metalachi are working on their debut album, thanks to fan-raised funds from a successful Kickstarter campaign. A few names they're playing with for the album title? Enter the Pink Taco and Prairie Dog.

“People have the misconception it's fake, that we're not for real,” Maximillian says. “But when people come to our shows, they have nothing but respect for mariachi and metal music. People think it's stupid and silly, but it's actually great music.”

 

This article appeared in print as “Metala-Chi Chis: The boys of Metalachi love boobs.”