Never Mess with Doug Stanhope's Sausage Army. Seriously. Don't.

Comedian Doug Stanhope is one of the best storytellers around and it just so happens that when he tells you his take on things, it comes out entertainingly uninhibited and completely rantastic (yes, that is a word). Truth be told, sometimes we think he doesn't even have a set and really, he doesn't even need one anyways. What can we say? Some hilarious shit comes out of his mouth. It's a gift.

You can tell Doug doesn't take anything too serious because he laughs a lot and appears rather comfortable to live his “fuck it” lifestyle. Some might find Doug's style of comedy offensive but for those people, he won't be talking to you this Thursday when he brings the awesomeness to the Irvine Improv for one night only. If you have a good sense of humor, and it would seem like you do, you best be dropping your plans to see this funny ass mofo.

See Also:
* How to Mess With a Plagiarist: A Lesson for Troy Holm from Doug Stanhope
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* Is My Band Accidentally Aiding a Right-Wing Extremist?

OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): We talked earlier this year about the whole “Troy Holm/plagiarism” thing. Did you ever hear from him personally?

Doug Stanhope: Never. I got an e-mail maybe a month or so later from some women saying how I destroyed his life, that he didn't mean anything, and it was all in homage to me. I was like, why are you e-mailing me? Why didn't he?

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That's so ironic that it would be in homage seeing as how he supposedly wasn't a fan. I know it's wrong but I thought the way your fans reacted was so funny.

Yeah. [Laughs.] I feel like that too. After that whole thing I left to do seven weeks in the UK and the Sausage Army came alive over there too. I don't know if you read that thing on my website about that journalist over in the UK. [Laughs.] If you look it up, go back to April and there's a picture of a woman next to a raw turkey that looks like a vagina. It's another Troy Holm story except this time it was journalist that reaped the wrath of my people.

Your fans are among the most loyal in the biz. I can only imagine what they could do…

I have a big story where the idea is basically trying to get the Sausage Army to do like Dan Savage did with the word “santorum,” but with the gay male fetish of “Opting-Off.” This is a legitimate thing where it's a common sexual practice to get walked out of airport security to get the pat down as a precursor to anonymous gay sex. [Laughs.] Get some websites up and float around some pictures of hot TSA guys, just to get it to a point where hopefully TSA thinks that they are unwilling participants to homosexual sex. Create some division from the inside where they don't want to pat you down any more than you want to be patted down. [Laughs.]

Oh my god, hysterical! I can see “Opting-Off” spreading faster than…well you know. So I saw you live tweeting during the debate and I was wondering if there was a moment that annoyed you the most.

There wasn't a moment in it because it was just droning on. It was like listening to two fucking egg-heads at a bar with a third gullet chiming in every now and then. There's nothing interesting about it, there's nothing angering about it, and no issues I give a shit about. As far as third parties are concerned, there couldn't be a better debate. I'll fucking take a Nazi at this point, just get some security there!

Haha yikes! People say your style of comedy is “angry” but I like to think you are just passionate. How would you describe it?

Oh that's your job, don't put this on me! Anyone who has a great answer to describe themselves thinks about themselves way too much. Sometimes it's angry and then sometimes it's forced anger because you've said it so many times that you're not even angry about it anymore so you don't give a shit. [Laughs.] That's when you gotta put out a DVD. I'm passionate sometimes because you know, there's a lot of passion in alcohol. That's why they have bouncers.

Right? Tell me about “Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool” that starts Nov. 23rd. I'm already obsessed.

[Laughs.] The Death Pool is my new passion. I'm a huge NFL guy so I'm betting every week but I never do fantasy football because I'm too busy. But with Death Pool, I find the time. I'm already making lists for next year. Like, I had Michael Clarke Duncan for next year and I'm like, shit…too soon. [Laughs.]

Is there a prize? Break down the process.

That's the thing, the website we are creating does all of the paperwork for you because it's a pain in the ass keeping score with the bonus system. It allows you to create your own team, that way whatever you do with your own team is your business. Then your team gets ranked amongst all of the teams including our team. So you're playing against us in a sense. If you want to get into something shaky start wagering, but we don't encourage that. [Laughs.] You get your picks together and the site has all of the rules, the bonus structure, and all you have to do is feed that in easily and then you can check who's got kills. You're the funeral director of your own funeral home. I've never had more fun than with Celebrity Death Pool. I'd tell you some of my strategies but that kind of would go against me. Finding people that no one else would pick is a huge bonus so you keep your thoughts close to your chest. It's very competitive! My girlfriend skyrocketed into third place on a random Whitney Houston pick. And she died in February during black history month so she got bonus points for that! Then when toxicology came back it was ruled a drowning and because it's a pool, she got a bonus for that! I always call my comic friends to see who is partying heavy on the road. [Laughs.]

Awww sad! Well I can't wait until it starts, I already have some ideas of who I am taking. I wish you were coming to Irvine for more than one night but I know you are too cool.

Yeah, Irvine is always a spirited performance because it's such an awful, awful place. Such a shining example of everything that is awful. It'll be a tirade reanimated because I just want to see the looks on people face. [Laughs.]

I hope there will be rapey jokes because I too like to watch people squirm.

[Laughs.] Oh yeah there will be. And it'll go on and on so I can stretch it out a little longer. It'll probably be some of the most uncomfortable bits I've ever written.

Register now for Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool by going to www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com, read Doug's incredibly funny take on “Opting-Off” on his website www.dougstanhope.com and follow him on Twitter @DougStanhope. Get your tickets to see Doug at the Irvine Improv this Thursday (October 25th) for one night only by going to www.improv.com or by calling 949-854-5455. The Improv is located at 71 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618.

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