You Can't Make This Shit Up

I don't know why–probably just to make sure I'm not missing any important updates on the latest south county exit poll nobody cares about or to get my daily fix of aerial photographs of toll road construction–but I tend to visit OC Blog every day. Actually the real reason I go there is they occasionally link to one of my stories, often with a snarky aside.

I digress.

Fact is you never know what brilliant untold tales–written by genuinely dispassionate Republican Party operatives–you'll find on OC Blog. Why just today, I discovered that one of the nicest places criminals could hope to find is our very own Orange County jail system. Imagine that!

And I thought the Orange County jail system was kinda….what's the word…deadly? What was I thinking? Maybe I was thinking of this?

Anyways, thank god for bloggers like Jonathan Constantine and Matt Cunningham (who writes under the byline Jubal). They know that to get to the truth of life behind bars in the OC, you need to go to jail. So they did just that. In fact, and for good measure, they took an official tour of the Men's Central Jail and concluded that the place ain't so bad after all.

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“Despite being somewhat outdated at the men's central complex, the Orange County correction system is a buttoned-up operation which has such an efficient level of procedure that its order pre-empts the typical prison violence seen in other prisons throughout the United States,” Constantine writes. “Sheriffs deputies, I was told, rarely ever have to resort to agressive force.”

But wait, there's more: “While the cells aren't much to look at, prisoners are treated with relative respect by the deputies who police the facility (after all, they are criminals). They are given at least 8 hours per week of recreational time, and can even engage in religious ceremony from visiting clergy. Overall, I believe the people of Orange County can be proud of the competence of our law enforcement, and rest assured of their tax dollars at work.”

I don't know what's more amazing: the fact that Constantine and Cunningham charmed sheriff's deputies at the jail into divulging the explosive fact that they “rarely” resort to using force, or the fact that the Sheriff's department didn't pay OC Blog for the press release.

Despite their hard-hitting expose, it seems OC Blog's blogging duo will continue to have access to the jail facility. “Stay tuned,” Contantine writes, “as I will post an analysis of the jail's new ICE program, a critique of the linear men's complex, and the benefits of the modular prison topography.”