Bush Victory Evidence of God's Existence

Photo by Jack GouldCongressman Dana Rohrabacher (R-Huntington Beach) says George W. Bush will ultimately win his race against Al Gore to become the next president of the United States, and that Bush's certain victory is proof of the existence of God.

“I have no doubt—and there's no doubt in my mind as I tell you tonight—that George W. Bush will be the next president of the U.S.,” Rohrabacher said in a Nov. 29 speech to a group at the Garden Grove Women's Civic Club. “George W. Bush becoming president is just further proof of the existence of God. There is no other explanation.”

The Weekly—the first newspaper to report Rohrabacher's claim—could not reach God for comment, and Baruch Spinoza, who labored mightily to prove the existence of God in his Ethics, has been dead for 323 years.

But Rohrabacher cited several other examples of God's miracles: the History Channel, Direct TV, Fox News Network, Rush Limbaugh and talk radio.

Rohrabacher's revelation concerning the existence of God as it pertains to Bush's election victory came halfway through his speech to some 40 members of the Huntington Beach-based California Coalition for Immigration Reform (CCIR). Rohrabacher also responded favorably to an attendee's suggestion that President-elect Bush might name Barbara Coe to head the U.S. Department of Immigration and Naturalization. Coe is CCIR's president and the self-described “creator” of Proposition 187, 1994's controversial anti-immigrant initiative. “That really would prove the existence of God,” he stated.

Rohrabacher praised CCIR as a patriotic organization and applauded its members for protecting the United States from an “ongoing plan” by the Democratic Party to try to “steal the United States of America from the American people” through “massive” illegal immigration. “If we do not stop the illegal immigration that is coming into this country . . . um . . . you know, our country is doomed,” he said. “We have to be activists. . . . The American Revolution is still being fought. . . . Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.”

According to Rohrabacher, that vigilance should be focused primarily on “communist China,” but also on Mexico and Cuba. “Mexico has been run by gangsters for years,” he explained. “The Mexican government has ties to Cuba, and Cuba is up to its eyeballs in the drug trade. . . . And Cuba has a relationship with Mexico. We have got a government [in Mexico] headed by people who are sympathetic to Fidel Castro.”

Nonetheless, Rohrabacher admitted that he often likes to travel to Mexico on surfing trips. “I would always remember to tuck a $20 bill in my shoe,” he added.

Fortunately, modern-day adversaries such as Mexico aren't nearly as powerful as those aligned against “the Founding Fathers [as depicted] on the History Channel,” Rohrabacher said. Drawing from lessons he learned while watching the History Channel, Rohrabacher pointed out that “a third of the American people during the revolution were on the wrong side; a third of the people didn't give a damn and tried to stay out of it; and a third of the people said, 'Leave me alone! Don't tread on me! Give me liberty or give me death!'”

According to Rohrabacher, the same divisions exist now among Americans, except that the China-Mexico-Cuba axis has replaced the British Empire as America's most dangerous adversary. “Today, about a third of the people of the United States are on the wrong side,” he explained. “A third of the people don't give a damn. But about a third of the people we can reach—and they will join our resistance movement. And we will resist the most evil force in the world because the most evil force in the world is committed to destroy the USA as we know it! Evil people are always out to destroy the United States of America!”

Topping Rohrabacher's list of evil people is former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, who supervised the collapse of the Soviet Union, renounced his Russian citizenship and now heads the State of the World Forum at San Francisco's former military base, the Presidio. “I want to know how Gorbachev got into the Presidio,” Rohrabacher railed, adding that he also wanted to know how Gorbachev got inside the “glass chapel,” an apparent reference to the Reverend Robert Schuller's Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove. “Where were you people when he got inside the glass chapel?” Rohrabacher asked his stunned audience, many of whom live in Garden Grove. “Why weren't you outside? I was probably in Washington, D.C., but I would have been there myself because Gorbachev is evil, evil, evil!”

Rohrabacher blamed Gorbachev's presence at the Presidio on former U.S. Senator Alan Cranston, a Democrat. But the congressman said he was optimistic that with God's help, George W. Bush will soon be in the White House to put an end to such treachery. “We can retake our country,” Rohrabacher promised. “We will. I have no doubt. God bless you; thank you very much.”