Political Football: Atlanta Falcons vs. Washington Not-Going-There-Thank-Yous

ATLANTA UPDATE: Usually rock-solid Republican Georgia has what appears to be a very close race for governor between the GOP’s Brian Kemp and Democrat Stacey Abrams, the first African-American woman to hold that designation. Many people believe Abrams has a real chance of winning if given a fair shot. Of course, Georgia’s Secretary of State cast doubt on that possibility when his office expunged tens of thousands of voters, most of them black, from the voting rolls. The Secretary of State is Brian Kemp . . . hmmmm . . . what a coincidence. The Secretary of State and GOP candidate for governor have the same na—ooooooh. Despite many calls for him to resign his post, Kemp is running for governor while also managing the election he’s running in. This is called “playing both ends.” It’s also called “fucked.” He claims the only people who have a problem with that are “outside agitators,” which is a blast from the Jim Crow past, a term intimating that African-Americans aren’t motivated or capable enough to stand up for themselves. It’s a belittling phrase meant to demean, akin to saying someone is “very articulate” or “Kanye West.”

WASHINGTON UPDATE: Melania Trump splits her time between New York; Washington, D.C.; and that special place deep inside where all her life choices congregate and ask, “What the fuck were you thinking?” Last week in Washington, as she hosted a group of grade schoolers to talk about bullying, she encouraged “everyone to be kind to each other and treat each other with respect in everyday life and on social media.” Which probably confused the sharper kids who were aware that her husband had that day referred to Stormy Daniels as “horseface.” The First Lady claims to be the “most bullied person in the world.” This from the woman who has stood by her husband as he railed against “Crooked Hillary” to a rabid mob of puds who respond with chants of “Lock her up!” This from the woman who said nothing when her pud of a husband—her “pudsband” (trademark pending)—called immigrants “rapists” or when he threatened the lives of journalists by calling them “enemies of the people.” Each time, as well as so many more, she has done nothing except flash that bizarre “Blue Steel” look that makes it appear as if she’s attempting to mask flatulence.

ROOT FOR: Atlanta. Though, if Brian Kemp is working the scoreboard, victory is pretty much assured.