Ralphie May Talks Jews, Dancing With The Stars' Man Pumps and Being a “Filthy Fuck”

When you look at Ralphie May, you might see big, and you'd be right. He draws big crowds, brings big talent and has the ability to cross big boarders and be loved by people worldwide. We'd say that's a big accomplishment and this weekend, you've gotta get in on the big laughs that Ralphie May will be supplying at the Brea Improv.

You've been touring all around, you must be exhausted!

[Laughs.] Yeah just a little bit. I just try to make the best of the situation. I'm working a lot so it could be worse.

Your special Too Big To Ignore just came out on DVD too. How long does it take to prepare to tape a special?

My process is that I spend about a year writing it and then I spend about six months honing it and editing it to the best that I can get it. Then I spend the last month running it and trying to clean it up so it's presentable for Comedy Central.

]

It's crazy that you have to “clean it up” for Comedy Central because they just beep out the “bad” words and then play it unedited two hours later. Seems pointless.

I know! And they are paid cable so they don't really have to do that at all! They had 162 mentions of the word “shit” in one South Park episode. In cartoons it's okay, but when a live person says it, it's not. It doesn't make any sense. You know though, I love South Park and I am just grateful for Comedy Central for giving me the opportunity to do the work. I've done four specials with them and that is more than anybody else so I'm very happy.

I live for South Park. I also wish I aged like those kids. Not to change the subject but, as a Jew I must congratulate you for landing a Jewish wife!

Yeah she's a Jew. I was telling her I wanted to celebrate Easter with the kids and she was saying, “Better than that, let's celebrate it on Monday so we can get all of the Easter candy half-price!” I told her that it is a genius idea, and possibly the Jewiest idea I've ever heard!

That is Jewnius! Super smart!

[Laughs.] And people call me anti-sematic for saying that, but it's my wife! Really, anti-sematic? I married a Jew, we made some Jews. I think I'm doing the work of Christ over here!

Thank you, we can always use chosen people. Your wife (Lahna Turner) is also a comic. Do you two critique each other's work?

She's hilarious! We respect each other comedically and we bust each others balls. We're that honest with each other so that we can go there like, what were you thinking? You know, she's actually written more jokes for me than I've written for her. She's good.

On Stern I heard you say that Sam Kinison gave you your first big break. Who was it before him that got you thinking about comedy?

There was really so many it's countless. Watching Jonny Carson be masterful at a monologue and my grandmother making me watch the news. To see Johnny take the news and make it topical and funny taught me. There was just a huge explosion of stand-up comedy with George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, and of course Sam. I guess maybe because I am too Southern, I thought it was too dirty. I laughed but I wasn't really influenced because I didn't think I could be that dirty.

Come now, you're pretty dirty.

[
Oh, I'm a filthy fuck! Don't think I'm not! I'm not misogynistic with it, but I'm hopefully not degrading with it. If I do get into that I do apologize for that. I am a filthy animal, a sexual being, and I do adult shows but it's definitely not what others have it be.

I don't think you should apologize …

I know! When you come see my show you'll realize I don't really make any apologies at all. [Laughs.] I tell people, this is the part of my act where I'm going to get shot one day. You should see the e-mails I get. I get hate mail from white supremacist groups, black groups, Latino groups, and then I get letters from all those groups in support of me. Some say I'm homophobic and some say I must be gay because I defend gay people. I'm too left, I'm too right. I get the full spectrum. It's simply a mess. I just think that I must be doing something right. If I can get that many people talking, I'm probably where I need to be.

Dave Chappelle as R. Kelly said it best, “Haters wanna hate.”

[Laughs.] Motha fucka's be hatin' ya'll! Oh R. Kelly. I don't know how he got away with that peeing thing. I saw that video.

Right? It's on tape! There's all the proof you need! He must have gotten Sharpton on the case.

[Laughs.] Not even! Sharpton wasn't even like, “I seen the tape!” That is so crazy.

Speaking of media whoring, would you ever consider being on Dancing With The Stars?

Never ever. Ever never never never. [Laughs.] Why would I go dancing with the stars? Nobody wants to see a fat guy dance. I'd bust my ass in those fucking man pumps they put you in. Oh my God, and that many sequins? Oh my god. [Laughs.] I couldn't look myself in the face.

When you put it that way, I concur. Regarding the Todd n Tyler interview you Tweeted out, I have to give props on your line about, “hoping Bob and Tom get AIDS, but not the Magic Johnson AIDS.” I know it's mean but I laughed out loud sincerely.

It's true I hate those guys, they're really assholes. [Laughs.] Those Magic Johnson AIDS though, if you get those AIDS not only is it not lethal, you get to buy a baseball team! That's amazing AIDS! Remember when AIDS was lethal? What the fuck? It's incredible!

I love that you speak your mind and on Twitter you also just “spoke your mind” to some comic and ended up in a little war. How did that end?

I went down to the Comedy Cellar because he said I should come down. I was going to smack him a couple of times and tell him to leave my family out of his bullshit. He came at me for no reason and if he were just a normal civilian, I would have just blocked him. But he's a comedian and he crossed the line. We are a very small fraternity of men and women that work in conjunction. He talked an amazing amount of shit and then when it came down to it, he called the cops! He pussed out. My followers took it upon themselves to rip him a new asshole too. I've never seen anything like that, there were just tenacious! My fans were ravenous to say the least! I gotta be honest, I was a little blown away with it! It was awesome, that's a lot of love.

Come see Ralphie May at the Brea Improv this weekend from May 4th to the 6th by calling (714) 482-0700 or log onto www.improv.com for tickets. You can also follow Ralphie on Twitter @Ralphie_May and pick up his new DVD “Too Big To Ignore” on his website www.RalphieMay.com. The Brea Improv is located at 120 South Brea Blvd. Brea, CA 92821.