4. Moldy sandwiches: Go through the food in the office refrigerator; find all the sandwiches and put them into these “mold-enabled” sandwich bags, making sure to re-pack carefully. Monitor the outgoing calls for food-delivery orders.
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3. Toothpaste Oreos™: This one doesn't require much explanation. Take apart a stack of Oreos™ and fill them back up with white toothpaste (obviously, Aquafresh™ is not going to work here). Make sure to roll the edges of the “filling” so they look real, then replace the top cookies and leave on a plate where your greedy co-workers can get them.
2. Litter box cake: Make a chocolate cake and crumble up some vanilla sandwich cookies on top. Take a couple of chocolate bars and knead them into the shape of cat turds; lay on top. Put the cake in the corner of the counter with a (brand-new, please) plastic scooper on top. Nobody will touch it, obviously. Make sure people are watching (lead a conversation over to the corner) and scoop out a big portion with the scooper. Eat with even more gusto than you ate the lemons.
1. Pregnant bird: Buy a capon or a Cornish game hen and par-roast it ahead of time; stuff it into the cavity of your holiday turkey, then truss and roast as normal. Designate the most gullible person in the house to carve and instruct them to get the stuffing out first. When they pull out the capon, look horrified and shout, “OH MY GOD, YOU ROASTED A PREGNANT TURKEY!”
