[Editor's Note: Quick Questions is our semi-regular feature where we ask comedians a ton of random questions without giving them time to think of anything funny to say. Surprisingly, they still do.]
Long before Taylor Williamson gave the country laughs galore, he put in his time crafting his unique, thoughtful, and somewhat quirky brand of comedy. Fortunately, his timing was off the charts when he arrived on the America's Got Talent stage and what he left with was an audience base one could never imagine. There's a reason Williamson was adored on AGT and you'll surely be feeling the love when he graces the Irvine Improv for one night only on March 26th. Last time he was in town we got to know him professionally with a straight up Q&A so this time around, we decided to dig a little deeper one of our favorite ways, Quick Questions.
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OC Weekly (Ali Lerman): What was your first time on stage like?
Taylor Williamson: I took a comedy class and everyone else in the class invited their friends and family. I was 17 and looked like I was about to pee my pants. I told jokes that weren't horrible and they laughed too much to be supportive so I thought I was the greatest comedian of all time. Then I did a show in front of people who weren't there to be supportive and I wanted to jump out the window.
What was the first joke you ever told? It's kind of hard for me to talk about but I just want to let you know I've been clean and sober for 17 years.” Because I was 17. Get it?! Because…never mind.
Uhhh yeah, I get it. Just insert a “supportive laugh” here. How did your first break-up go down? When I was in kindergarten I told a girl we can't be friends because she's a girl and I'm a boy. Does that count?
I'd say so. Do you collect anything? Yes, thank you for asking. I have a beautiful collection of phone numbers from girls who gave me their phone numbers and don't return my text messages.
Sorry to bring that up. Let me lighten the mood. What was your first bombing experience like? I told jokes and people decided not to laugh. I was so heartbroken. I lied down inside my bathtub and turned the shower on because I thought that's what you're supposed to do when you're sad. I don't know where I got the idea. This was a horrible story, I'm so sorry.
I appreciate the apology. Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram? Twitter is my favorite because I'm allowed to post naked pictures of myself all day.
OK so then how often do you clear the history on your computer? I don't clear my history ever. That's too suspicious. If someone asks to use my computer I just casually “accidentally” drop it in the toilet.
What's under your bed? Boxes of bagels. I'm Jewish so that's what we do for fun.
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Don't I know it! How long was your longest layover and what did you do while you were waiting? I once had to wait at an airport for 11 hours because my flight kept getting delayed. I cried a lot and watched Anderson Cooper.
What is your most drunken regret? I've never been drunk. Should I regret that? Last week I had a drunk crazy guy throw his beverage at me after a show though. Can I regret on behalf of someone else's drunkenness?
Yes! Wow, what a dick! Do you think you have ever loved anyone more than Kanye West loves himself? Yes. I've felt that way about The Rock since 1997.
What's the most bizarre thing you've ever bought off eBay? When I was in 8th grade I used to bid on Jean Claude Van Damme DVDs and accidentally win. Then I'd send emails to the sellers apologizing for my “son” inappropriately using my account without my permission. I was a troubled youth.
Speaking of youth, what do you think Heidi Klum's secret is for never aging? Honest guess? Making out with me. Google “Taylor Heidi Klum” to see the picture of me peaking in life.
Oh I've seen it. I peaked as well but in a different way. What are you working on now that we should all know about? I keep getting really close to having super cool special TV shows but then I don't get them or the show falls apart. So, I hope to almost get another TV show again soon! My first ever hour comedy special will be released later this year and I'm really excited about that!
Awesome! What's the best advice you've ever been given? Don't take advice from anyone. And be nice to people. And always give three answers when you're asked to give one.
Ha! Well done! Uber, Lyft, or O.G. taxi? I don't do any of those. Eww gross! I refuse to leave the house unless I have a limo pick me up. (Side note: I have never left my house.)
What's a question you get asked over and over and you hate it? At the grocery store checkout line: “Would you like to donate a dollar to help save dying children?” They always word it so if you say no, you are a horrible person. I'm a good person but I need that money to buy pogs.
I hear ya. Pogs over dying children is what I always say. Tell me your favorite “yo mama” joke. Yo mama is so ugly she should have plastic surgery done on her face to help make her less ugly. I just wrote that, can you believe it?
I actually can believe it. How about we end by taking this opportunity to tell everyone how you really feel about game requests on Facebook? I love them and please send me lots! My Facebook page is Facebook.com/TylerPerry.
Check out Taylor Williamson at the Irvine Improv Thursday March 26th at 8pm, 31 Fortune Drive Irvine, CA 92618, (949) 854-5455. For tickets go to www.Improv.com. For more info on Taylor, go to his website www.TaylorWilliamson.com and follow him on Twitter @TaylorComedy.
See also:
Steve-O Found a Way to Work Manginas Into His Stand-Up Comedy
10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time
10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time
Follow us on Twitter @OCWeeklyMusic and like us on Facebook at Heard Mentality and follow the author on Twitter @AliNotAlli.
Ali Lerman knows much about comedy, basketball, and celebrating Wu-Tang Wednesday. She’s been writing for sixteen years and still calls her mom with grammatical questions.