Turkey is terrible—dry, flavorless, blech. And while it's nice to spend an afternoon with the family members you hate, it's better to spend those uncomfortable silences in home-style dining restaurants, where children rule through tantrums, the servings are plentiful and the prices are as cheap as your cousin's excuses for not inviting you to her wedding.
DINNER FOR TWO:
¢ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Less than $10!
$ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $10-$20
$$ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $20-$40
$$$ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ¡Eres muy rico!
ANTON Schwaiger'S Jagerhaus
It's bright and manly, with paintings that scream Fatherland. The menu includes duck, elk and wild boar—and the sauerbraten kicks ass. Sauerbraten rules! Parents: ask to be seated in “The Pit,” where your demon spawn won't bug diners noshing on Bambi's mom. 2525 E. Ball Rd., Anaheim, (714) 520-9500. $$
Benjies
Benjies is mostly about big, meaty food served quickly. After chucking any hopes of swimsuit modeling, the Francheesy may be for you: grilled knackwurst with bacon and American cheese just oozing off the sides. It's angioplantastic! 1828 N. Tustin, Santa Ana, (714) 541-6230. $
CALIFORNIA WAFFLE BAR AND FAMILY DINER
Waffles with the circumference of chessboards, topped with coconut, rife with pecans or drowned in maple syrup—fine and all. But have you ever chomped on the burger at California Waffle Bar and Family Diner? The certified-Angus-patty burger? The burger with a crescent of avocado, sinewy red onions and just-perfect mild salsa? You haven't? You just like the waffles here? Good for you—but eat the burger someday. 105 S. Ola Vista, San Clemente, (949) 498-9050.
DALTON'S
“Family-style” before the phrase meant “Norm's,” Dalton's has gabby servers with odd hairstyles, a mostly older clientele, hearty extra-large egg breakfasts served all day, and a menu dominated by meat and fried stuff. 9575 Valley View St., Cypress, (714) 229-8101. $
THE FILLING STATION
The menu is hi-fi breakfast/lunch food. The grilled-chicken caesar salad is distinctly clean and refreshing, letting you taste each ingredient in the mix, and the Old Towne scramble proves this is a very good place to wake up in. 201 N. Glassell St., Orange, (714) 289-9714; www.fillingstationcafe.com.$
NORM'S
Norm's is my America. Norm's is where I first learned the joys of steak, of flooding a glistening sirloin with the sanguine tang of A-1 Sauce. Norm's is where I find true multicultural consciousness—blacks, Latinos, Asians, whites; Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus; teens, toddlers, coffin-dodgers, the middle-aged—all squirming at itchy plastic tables while scarfing down cheap grub. And their mineral-packed liver and onions is delish. Located on every third corner of the free world; www.normsrestaurants.com.
PARASOL
Loved more for its Googie-gone-Mary-Poppins design than its greasy-spoon grub, Seal Beach's Parasol is in constant danger of meeting the toothy end of a bulldozer. Do the owners a favor and stage a sit-in for breakfast, lunch and dinner—food is good, but wacky restaurants like the Parasol are going the way of Kona Lanes. 12241 Seal Beach Blvd., Seal Beach, (562) 598-3311. $
PO FOLKS
PoFolks is a rustically eccentric restaurant—tin and wooden agricultural-company signs on the walls, a working train that chugs the perimeter—specializing in Norm's-style home cooking with a Southern bent, the kind of place where fried chicken livers with red beans and rice is a daily special and peach cobbler isn't some ironic/iconic treat but what's for dessert. 7701 Beach Blvd., Buena Park, (714) 521-8955. $$
ROCKWELL'S CAFE AND BAKERY
This neighborhood café and bakery is an ode to Norman, with Rockwellian gilt-edged plates and prints covering the bathroom walls. Besides the interior-design salute, Rockwell's serves four great versions of eggs Benedict, all with hollandaise sauce made from scratch. 17853 Santiago Blvd., Villa Park, (714) 921-0622. $
ZOV'S BISTRO AND BAKERY
In his 1992 thriller Hideaway, Dean Koontz's main characters dine at Zov's on calamari and black-bean soup that was “such a perfect sensual experience that the monochromatic bistro seemed ablaze with color.” 17440 E. 17th St., Tustin, (714) 838-8855. $$
View Orange County's best damn dining guide at ocweekly.com/food.
