“It's called the Soft Goat.”
“The soft what?”
“Goat.”
“What the hell is that supposed
to mean?”
“Well, I think they mean goat as
in goatee.”
Weekly staff writer Charles Lam is the best person in the office to run weird food or inventions by because the level at which he becomes flabbergasted is very low. And when I read about this product, he couldn't ignore my chuckling.
Based in Newport Beach, the Soft Goat (thesoftgoat.com) wants to relieve your entire body of prickly stubble. When the company started a year ago, its only product was for men's facial hair, which came with truthisms of how stubble is sexy but painful to make out with.
When we received samples, Charles examined the puff quizzically, then went to town on his baby mustache stubble. “It's just a really light-grade sandpaper,” he said. “I'm not grinding into it, but this kinda hurts.” After a minute, Charles rubbed his upper lip. “If you don't have full-on beard stubble, I don't think this works,” he decided.
Layout editor Jay Brockman, who has much more manly stubble, also agreed to try it. It was less painful, but Jay admitted it wasn't something he'd go out and buy.
As far as trying Soften Her goes? Yeah, no fucking way. It's just even lighter-grade sandpaper that's pink. What the Soft Goat is actually doing is exfoliating skin, but there are many other ways to do so that are gentler—a light facial scrub, Epsom salts or an enzyme mask will do the trick—and cheaper.
Perhaps the Soft Goat does have its place, though. On-the-go dudes might need something that can smooth a 5-o'clock shadow before a date. Ladies, however, should be cautious. Sandpaper on legs is maybe no big deal—but that vagina part?
